Why New Years Resolutions

I personally believe New Year's Resolutions are a load of crap.  Really, what's the point???  If you really want to do something, you'll do it.   Why the whole deal of announcing what you want to do in the new year?


I don't get it, could just be me.


But, because I am such a team player, I have come up with some things I will suggest to myself to do in this, the new year.
Excited aren't you?


So here are my top ten;


1.  Call Sylvia Brown and have her come over and tell me who "it wasn't me" is.  Surely she knows, doesn't she know everything???  She says she does, so I'll go with an expert. This shit has got to stop.  Really!  Just now I wondered why it was warmer outside, checked the Thermostat and it was set on 57 degree.... Of course I didn't do it, I am fairly sure Bill didn't, and since Sam and the cats all are without thumbs, I am guessing they didn't either.  That leaves Evan and Aden.  My money is on Evan.  Of course when I ask I get "It wasn't me" out of both of them.


2.  Exact Revenge on my Dryer.  I am going to get back at that dryer. I put 2 socks in, 1 sock comes out.  Sometimes the socks reappear mysteriously in another load of laundry.  It could be some strange inter-dimensional pocket, in the dryer, or possibly even a portal to hell and demons are stealing socks for some nefarious purpose.  Whatever the case I am thinking that I will only put one sock in at a time.. Yes, I am aware that this little plan could backfire horribly and I will lose all of the socks.  But, it does beat my original plan of putting a stick of lite dynamite in the socks, then putting them in the dryer.  I decided against that because I don't want to piss Mama cat off.  She doesn't like loud noises.  Truthfully, she terrifies me.


3.  Send out Holiday cards in June.  I just figure since the stores start the Holiday season earlier and earlier every year, we should start hearing Christmas music about June 10th.  So, I am going to mail out all of my cards then.   I don't like being left out.


4.  Drink more Wine and Eat more Chocolate.  I don't think this needs any explaining. These are important, you would know why if you know my sweet darling children.


5.  Join a cult.  Really not kidding, I think this would be very entertaining.  Diversity is the key!  Maybe if I can't find a really good cult, I'll just start one of my own. I have some pretty good ideas.  Maybe we could just revive one of the old Roman gods, I am thinking Dionysus


6.  Drink more Wine and Eat more Chocolate.


7. Cover my ceilings and walls with velcro.


8. Go to Walmart and glue quarters on the floor.


9.  Figure out a way to make my kids and the dog actually listen and do what they are told to do.  Not sure what expert I should call on that one.  Super Nanny is apparently too busy helping poor mothers that have live in nanny's and grandparents that come over every day to help me.


10.  Drink more Wine.


There we go.  Wonderful suggestions to myself for this year :)