I've been up for about 4 hours now and I really have nothing to blog. I could complain that I can't type now. I did my nails last night and now they are so long I can't type as well as I am used too. Damn things get in the way. I am not sure what came over me, some sort of hormone surge or something. Did my nails and cut my hair, maybe some subconscious need to be a bit girly? who knows. So whacked the hair off at my shoulders and added a couple of layers. All this accomplishes is now I can express my inner Annie. Which is pretty much what my hair does. At least its not as frizzy now.
The stupid weather people have changed the forecast again. now supposedly its not going to snow or do anything till Thursday after midnight. Okay then. We all know that they won't say we are going to get a blizzard, they refuse to give a shitty forecast for holidays, major sporting events or for any days that they think everyone wants to hear about perfect weather. Well, it seems like that to me anyway.
So the forecast for Christmas day is Flurries. Ah doesn't that sound cute.
Still haven't made cookies. Still need to do some cleaning and yet here I sit, trying to think of something witty to type.
Still got nothing. Oh well. If you want consistently funny I can give you some names :)
Evan is having some issues staying off the counter top & out of the cabinets. He just will not stop getting into stuff. He treats the cabinets like his own personal little buffet. It drives me nuts. He always wants to eat, constantly. I can't figure out where the skinny little fart is putting all this food! Must take after his daddy, who also can eat constantly and never gain an ounce. Its pretty irritating.
I hate Canadian Geese. Just thought I would throw that out there. I can hear them honking, I have a gun, but I don't think I could hit any of them with it. Note to self; invest in bigger gun or crossbow.
Crossbow would be better but I am not sure if they are legal in this state. Maybe just a nice bow, I'll give it some thought.
Blowing them up would be more entertaining, pretty sure that's not legal either. I think they are protected anyway. But I am entitled to my little fantasies.
Silly laws.
So, have been having discussions about what I want to do when both the boys get into school. First thing a nap. After that I am not sure. I like the library alot, maybe I can work there. Love books, can read, know the alphabet song, I should be qualified to put books away.
I would be awesome at a used book store. But this town won't support one. So that's out for now. I still want to be Indiana Jones, but all the good shit is still in the middle east and well, personally and this is just me, I am not fond of people shooting at me. I know seems silly, but I like a nice quiet, calm, bullet free environment, when I am playing in the dirt.
I could always actually use my degree and head off to some remote jungle locale and try and find a tribe no one has ever seen, if there are any left that haven't been run over by bulldozers.
ooo I know, I 'll just hire myself out again as a sensitivity trainer.
I'll wait while you finish laughing....
Done yet? Yes I have done sensitivity training. I can be sensitive. I can really. Its simple really, most people don't pick up on subtle sarcasm. It did pay pretty well.
I didn't like it much. I had to act all happy. Eeck.
There are alot of things I could with my "useless" degree. There are alot of groups of people around the world that would be fascinating to study.
Who knows I still have a while to decide, two years.
Maybe I'll finally get around to writing that book. I've a story stuck in my head for about 10 years. Problem is I've got the middle part, just no beginning or end. But the end is easily fixed. I'll just pull a Quentin Tarantino and kill everyone off at the end:)
But I really don't think I would write a fiction book, not to be published anyway. To me you really have to have a titanium set balls to do that. That is really putting yourself out there. I have alot of admiration for people who do write.
Well, Monkey cat gave up last night and came back inside. Guess she just finally got to lonely without Mama & Gracie. So everyone is safely in the house.
Still have nothing interesting to talk about.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Not As Smart as I think I am!
I have been reading up on this whole blogging thing. I am doing everything you are not supposed to do if you want traffic. Good. However, I am getting some mad hits from odd places and I can't for the life of me figure out why. The people who are blogging experts are quite clear that readers what specific things. They want to read about social issues, politics, the economy or they want to learn how to do something. They want experts. They do not want to read about pets, kids, family or personal issues. I have two consistent readers that I know of. You know who you are :) and thanks. If I can bring a bit of amusement I am happy. But my stats are showing hits from Russia, Belgium, Denmark, Canada and Croatia. Really? But Why?
I guess I could start blogging about helpful stuff. Like for instance if anyone wants to know how to make mac and cheese while nursing one kid and keeping the other one from climbing up the cabinets, I can do that. Or my personal favorite, changing a really nasty diaper of one kid, in the dark with one hand, while nursing the other kid and giving your husband dirty looks, I can do that.
Does anyone want to learn about about Religion? I am happy to oblige. Ask me my opinion about Christianity and Wicca. That's always a fun one I can really piss people off there. Or how about demonology and the Catholic church, Druidism and Shamanism, Greek, Roman and Etruscan?
See I could play along but I really don't want to. I typically charge people for that. If Bill were to find out I was giving out free classes he'd lose his mind. That is a bit of a sore spot.
Anyway, the point is I don't want this to be anything but my personal ramblings. I really don't care what everyone else wants. I may bitch about social issues, the economy, politics and other stuff, but its really not my main focus.
But just to be a team player.
The Economy sucks, Its our own fault. The government really needs some work. Guess what, that's our fault too, we elected these people. War, Famine and the needless killing of wildlife, well that sucks too. Am I missing anything? Probably, and that probably sucks too.
Okie dokie all done.
I could go on for hours, really I could but I won't. There are other people handling those issues. The issues that are pressing for me usually go like this.
Where the F*** is Evan??? What is he into now? What is that noise? Who did this? What is that smell? Who farted? Who gave the dog the jar of peanut butter? Why is the water running and the fridge door open? Where did you get the permanent marker? Why are you playing with a knife? Put the Hammer down! Stop riding the dog!
So my life isn't as exciting as some, but I do get variety. I live in a zoo, surrounded by crazy preschoolers and pets who have no fear and get into everything.
This is my life. I could pretend to care about alot of other things. but the truth is, I have more concerns within the walls of my house right now.
It's not that I don't care about all the issues I do.
Right now though, I am focused on keeping the boys and the dog from knocking the Hanukkah bush/Christmas tree down. Its a magic tree. It starts out as a Hanukkah bush, then when Hanukkah ends..Ta Da.. Its a Christmas tree :). With only about 15 ornaments on it. The boys, cats and dog are hell on ornaments. So the top 2 feet have none. The bottom 3 feet don't have any left either. There is just a 2 foot area in the middle that has a few. Terrible looking tree. But, its really tall :)
Now the heathens are dancing around it. Perhaps they are doing a little late Solstice celebrating.
I guess I could start blogging about helpful stuff. Like for instance if anyone wants to know how to make mac and cheese while nursing one kid and keeping the other one from climbing up the cabinets, I can do that. Or my personal favorite, changing a really nasty diaper of one kid, in the dark with one hand, while nursing the other kid and giving your husband dirty looks, I can do that.
Does anyone want to learn about about Religion? I am happy to oblige. Ask me my opinion about Christianity and Wicca. That's always a fun one I can really piss people off there. Or how about demonology and the Catholic church, Druidism and Shamanism, Greek, Roman and Etruscan?
See I could play along but I really don't want to. I typically charge people for that. If Bill were to find out I was giving out free classes he'd lose his mind. That is a bit of a sore spot.
Anyway, the point is I don't want this to be anything but my personal ramblings. I really don't care what everyone else wants. I may bitch about social issues, the economy, politics and other stuff, but its really not my main focus.
But just to be a team player.
The Economy sucks, Its our own fault. The government really needs some work. Guess what, that's our fault too, we elected these people. War, Famine and the needless killing of wildlife, well that sucks too. Am I missing anything? Probably, and that probably sucks too.
Okie dokie all done.
I could go on for hours, really I could but I won't. There are other people handling those issues. The issues that are pressing for me usually go like this.
Where the F*** is Evan??? What is he into now? What is that noise? Who did this? What is that smell? Who farted? Who gave the dog the jar of peanut butter? Why is the water running and the fridge door open? Where did you get the permanent marker? Why are you playing with a knife? Put the Hammer down! Stop riding the dog!
So my life isn't as exciting as some, but I do get variety. I live in a zoo, surrounded by crazy preschoolers and pets who have no fear and get into everything.
This is my life. I could pretend to care about alot of other things. but the truth is, I have more concerns within the walls of my house right now.
It's not that I don't care about all the issues I do.
Right now though, I am focused on keeping the boys and the dog from knocking the Hanukkah bush/Christmas tree down. Its a magic tree. It starts out as a Hanukkah bush, then when Hanukkah ends..Ta Da.. Its a Christmas tree :). With only about 15 ornaments on it. The boys, cats and dog are hell on ornaments. So the top 2 feet have none. The bottom 3 feet don't have any left either. There is just a 2 foot area in the middle that has a few. Terrible looking tree. But, its really tall :)
Now the heathens are dancing around it. Perhaps they are doing a little late Solstice celebrating.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Watching movies with the boys
In case you haven't noticed, I really do love the movie "Wizard of Oz" and I really enjoy watching it now. My boys discovered the movie about a month ago, I wasn't sure if they would find it too scary. They didn't but those flying monkeys always scared the shit out of me as a kid along with the apple trees and the wicked witch's army, oh and the tornado. Okay so about 75% of the movie gave me nightmares. But it looks like my boys are made of stronger stuff :) Nothing in the movie scared them. I did get a running commentary after the movie. "You shouldn't drop your house on someone and not say sorry". True enough and I do apologize for not bringing that to your attention earlier. "They should have said please, then the trees wouldn't mind". Score again. The non-stop commentary on any movie get old after a bit, its like watching Mystery Science Theatre 3000 sober (which yes I did used to watch). "monkeys don't fly". Well, I've met several pilots...
It's hard to tune them out because they don't like to be ignored and will in typical Gabe fashion, just talk louder until you respond. Bill is really good at tuning them out. I can't do it, I've tried. So by the end of the day my brain is numb. We have entered the 'Why' stage. Which I really don't mind, its just maybe they could let me finish one answer before asking another question.
But, they do a running commentary on anything they watch. Which is why the amount of TV and movies they get to watch keeps shrinking. If it keeps up they won't be watching any TV at all.
As usual because we are coming up on a holiday and picture taking opportunity. Both boys look like they have been participating in those ultimate fighting matches.
Evan went running into the bathroom the other day, hit the step stool in front of the tub trying to jump into the tub, and the step stool moved. He did a nifty cartwheel headfirst right into the toilet, bounced and hit the floor. He was okay. A very nice goose egg on his head. It almost matches the one on the other side of his forehead, which he got diving from couch to the coffee table. he missed. Aden who is not as much of a daredevil, or at least his coordination is better, has a long scratch on his cheek, which no one seems to know what happened there, a goose egg to match his brother's on his forehead from trying to skate while holding onto the dog. First let me state that we do not have skates, he was attempting to use one of his more sturdy cars, just a little bigger than those hot wheels ones. So he hung onto the dog's collar to have her pull him. This happened right at the same time that mama cat decided she was going to move her fat ass to the couch. Cat out, dog of course has to come and look. Aden having his mother's cat like reflexes, didn't let go of the collar as Sam started to fun downstairs. Luckily the door way stopped him from taking a ride down the stairs.
This Goose egg is right beside the cut on the other side of his forehead that he got when Evan beaned him with the crane from the train set. Note: don't try and take things away from Evan, he will retaliate.
Evan also has a nice scratch on the side of his side that is one of those 'mystery' cuts. I am truly terrified of what they are going to be like if they ever play any sports. We have a serious lack of coordination and a problem paying attention.
It's hard to tune them out because they don't like to be ignored and will in typical Gabe fashion, just talk louder until you respond. Bill is really good at tuning them out. I can't do it, I've tried. So by the end of the day my brain is numb. We have entered the 'Why' stage. Which I really don't mind, its just maybe they could let me finish one answer before asking another question.
But, they do a running commentary on anything they watch. Which is why the amount of TV and movies they get to watch keeps shrinking. If it keeps up they won't be watching any TV at all.
As usual because we are coming up on a holiday and picture taking opportunity. Both boys look like they have been participating in those ultimate fighting matches.
Evan went running into the bathroom the other day, hit the step stool in front of the tub trying to jump into the tub, and the step stool moved. He did a nifty cartwheel headfirst right into the toilet, bounced and hit the floor. He was okay. A very nice goose egg on his head. It almost matches the one on the other side of his forehead, which he got diving from couch to the coffee table. he missed. Aden who is not as much of a daredevil, or at least his coordination is better, has a long scratch on his cheek, which no one seems to know what happened there, a goose egg to match his brother's on his forehead from trying to skate while holding onto the dog. First let me state that we do not have skates, he was attempting to use one of his more sturdy cars, just a little bigger than those hot wheels ones. So he hung onto the dog's collar to have her pull him. This happened right at the same time that mama cat decided she was going to move her fat ass to the couch. Cat out, dog of course has to come and look. Aden having his mother's cat like reflexes, didn't let go of the collar as Sam started to fun downstairs. Luckily the door way stopped him from taking a ride down the stairs.
This Goose egg is right beside the cut on the other side of his forehead that he got when Evan beaned him with the crane from the train set. Note: don't try and take things away from Evan, he will retaliate.
Evan also has a nice scratch on the side of his side that is one of those 'mystery' cuts. I am truly terrified of what they are going to be like if they ever play any sports. We have a serious lack of coordination and a problem paying attention.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Surgery Update
So, saw the doctor today. Went over what he is going to do and all the nifty details. He let me read my surgery notes from the last surgery. All I can say is WOW. I didn't realize how bad the adhesions were. I had them literally on every surface and attached to everything, including my liver. That explains why I am still having pain there. He said to be a little more patient, it's still healing.
As for the next surgery, he is going to try and do everything laproscopically. He is not sure that is going to work, he may not be able to and if that is the case they will just try a transverse incision. If that scar tissue is too thick, then I will end up with a lovey anchor shaped scar. I'll tell the boys I decided to be a pirate :) He said if everything goes perfectly we are looking at 6-8 hours in surgery, give or take. Could be more, could be less, as with everything else lately, it will depend on many other factors. Can't get out of a hospital stay this time, but he said we can discuss me getting out as soon as I can walk on my own. I, like most people, really dislike hospitals. They aren't so bad, if I am not the one confined to one of those horrible beds.
Not as scared as I thought I would be. I really have alot of faith in this Doctor. He spent alot of time assuring me that he was going to take his time, to make sure we limit the complications, which we went over in detail. I know the risks. This last surgery completely changed my mind about this next big surgery. Before I was completely against any lysis of the adhesions. Who wouldn't be, they will just grow back worse every time you cut them. But really, right now, the pain is so greatly reduced, I can imagine not having any pain at all. Even if its just a year, or even if its 3 months, I want that time and I will be so grateful for every single second. I know it won't last. barrier gels or not. They will grow back and they will be worse. I will have to have them removed again and again.
All in all its going to be a wait and see how it goes. Bill should be able to find out about when he can take vacation Monday or Tuesday so we'll schedule the surgery then. I think I am prepared for whatever will happen, the possible rewards, to me at least, outweigh the risks. I hope :)
As for the next surgery, he is going to try and do everything laproscopically. He is not sure that is going to work, he may not be able to and if that is the case they will just try a transverse incision. If that scar tissue is too thick, then I will end up with a lovey anchor shaped scar. I'll tell the boys I decided to be a pirate :) He said if everything goes perfectly we are looking at 6-8 hours in surgery, give or take. Could be more, could be less, as with everything else lately, it will depend on many other factors. Can't get out of a hospital stay this time, but he said we can discuss me getting out as soon as I can walk on my own. I, like most people, really dislike hospitals. They aren't so bad, if I am not the one confined to one of those horrible beds.
Not as scared as I thought I would be. I really have alot of faith in this Doctor. He spent alot of time assuring me that he was going to take his time, to make sure we limit the complications, which we went over in detail. I know the risks. This last surgery completely changed my mind about this next big surgery. Before I was completely against any lysis of the adhesions. Who wouldn't be, they will just grow back worse every time you cut them. But really, right now, the pain is so greatly reduced, I can imagine not having any pain at all. Even if its just a year, or even if its 3 months, I want that time and I will be so grateful for every single second. I know it won't last. barrier gels or not. They will grow back and they will be worse. I will have to have them removed again and again.
All in all its going to be a wait and see how it goes. Bill should be able to find out about when he can take vacation Monday or Tuesday so we'll schedule the surgery then. I think I am prepared for whatever will happen, the possible rewards, to me at least, outweigh the risks. I hope :)
Friday, December 17, 2010
The Mythic Land
There have been times when people have told me that I shouldn't fill my children's head with such nonsense. I am talking about the stories I tell them. About Elves, fairies, unicorns, dragons,pixies, brownies, centaurs, witches and wizards.
My response is usually the same. "Why Not?" Children live in a different world than we do. Their perceptions are so unlike adults that these things are not only possible, they are plausible. If my children think that the dust motes that seem to gather in the air, at the top of stairs in late afternoon, are tiny fairies, who am I to tell them different? They are happy to play with the fairies and I am happy that they are happy doing it.
If I tell them that Fairies ride on fireflies, what is the harm? They are smart kids. We have talked about lightening bugs before, they know why they light up & how. We have caught and examined one very carefully before we released it. They didn't see a fairy but, they were very gentle with bug.
Everyone 'knows' that Elves are very elusive and don't like humans much. Because most humans don't respect nature and strive to conquer it, not live as part of it. But, looking for elves makes them pay attention and be quiet when we are in the woods. They may not see elves but we have seen all sorts of other creatures that are no less wonderful to them. Squirrels and deer aren't much different in their eyes. The point is to pay attention to the world around you. To recognize that you are part of something much larger. To be less focused on yourself. These are things I want them to learn.
Dragons. Every culture has a myth about dragons. How do we really know that they didn't exist? Perhaps, a type of dinosaur survived long enough to terrorize early human settlements? We don't know. It seems unlikely but we know a few dinosaurs did indeed survive. Whether they are
Witches. Well here is a subject I am well acquainted with I have taught extensively on this subject.
Witches aren't always evil. Most witches are good. Even Hollywood gets that right occasionally. But witchcraft, in and of itself, has never been 'evil' . Witchcraft is simply a way of doing things. Different perhaps than how most people do things today, but if we think back, to what life must have been like 400 years ago and earlier, witchcraft makes sense. Witches were the women at the edge of village, who knew things. Usually just how to cure this illness or how to make your cow start producing milk again. No magic usually involved. These were wise women, who figured things out. This herb can help a pregnancy, this one will end it. Of course there are always 2 sides to a coin. Not everyone is out to help others. Magic is and will always be around.
Science is magic explained.
Imagine the first person who figured out how to control fire. I would expect that everyone around them thought it was magic and this person had special 'powers'. We now know how fire works, so its no longer a mystery. The same with illness. If you got sick before and you didn't heal on your own you died. But, what about that crazy old lady, that witch that lives down the road all by herself. Go see her. With her magic spells and herblore she might be able to help, for a price. Usually the cure was more herblore and a bit of mumbo jumbo for show, But if it worked?
.
The stories I tell all have a point.
Humans need the idea of good vs. evil. Its along the same lines as Hope and Faith. They are things that make us human and not just clever monkeys. The age old struggle between good and evil gives us a focus, a way to channel our own insecurities and emotions into something larger than ourselves. It takes the focus off of ourselves, how can this be a bad thing? We all seek to be part of something, whether we admit it or not. To seek out others and a common cause is part of our nature as humans.
So if I tell them a story or read them the Hobbit, there are lessons to be learned. The cast of characters doesn't really matter. The point is the same.
The boys know this and will tell you, if you ask that "if we work together, we can get the job done!" Actually, I think that line can from Bob the Builder but it doesn't matter. They understand that differences aren't the important thing.
I don't see a problem with my stories, if I did I wouldn't tell them. But children need the opportunity to explore all aspects of their world imaginary or real. It may be fantasy to you and me, but maybe not to them. I love mythical creatures. I love telling my children about them. I like to see the wonder in their faces at the idea that there are guardians of nature, hidden in the forest, silly and playful pixies making mischief in the kitchen, great dragons guarding treasure deep in the mountains.
I want them to know that goals are important, but not as important as the journey itself. Whether or not we succeed or fail in this goals, in the eyes of others or ourselves, doesn't ultimately matter. Our goals do not define us. It is the journey itself that ultimately defines who we are.
These are the things I want them to learn. So what if I use elves and fairies to do it. I want them to know, to understand that outside appearances or apparent differences, are not defining. Everyone and everything are unique and with value. Different types of people can work together, toward a common goal. A hobbit, some elves, a dwarf, humans whatever the case may be. My hope is that it will translate later in their lives. That they will see that everyone has value. Every culture has something to teach us. That we really aren't that different.
My response is usually the same. "Why Not?" Children live in a different world than we do. Their perceptions are so unlike adults that these things are not only possible, they are plausible. If my children think that the dust motes that seem to gather in the air, at the top of stairs in late afternoon, are tiny fairies, who am I to tell them different? They are happy to play with the fairies and I am happy that they are happy doing it.
If I tell them that Fairies ride on fireflies, what is the harm? They are smart kids. We have talked about lightening bugs before, they know why they light up & how. We have caught and examined one very carefully before we released it. They didn't see a fairy but, they were very gentle with bug.
Everyone 'knows' that Elves are very elusive and don't like humans much. Because most humans don't respect nature and strive to conquer it, not live as part of it. But, looking for elves makes them pay attention and be quiet when we are in the woods. They may not see elves but we have seen all sorts of other creatures that are no less wonderful to them. Squirrels and deer aren't much different in their eyes. The point is to pay attention to the world around you. To recognize that you are part of something much larger. To be less focused on yourself. These are things I want them to learn.
Dragons. Every culture has a myth about dragons. How do we really know that they didn't exist? Perhaps, a type of dinosaur survived long enough to terrorize early human settlements? We don't know. It seems unlikely but we know a few dinosaurs did indeed survive. Whether they are
Witches. Well here is a subject I am well acquainted with I have taught extensively on this subject.
Witches aren't always evil. Most witches are good. Even Hollywood gets that right occasionally. But witchcraft, in and of itself, has never been 'evil' . Witchcraft is simply a way of doing things. Different perhaps than how most people do things today, but if we think back, to what life must have been like 400 years ago and earlier, witchcraft makes sense. Witches were the women at the edge of village, who knew things. Usually just how to cure this illness or how to make your cow start producing milk again. No magic usually involved. These were wise women, who figured things out. This herb can help a pregnancy, this one will end it. Of course there are always 2 sides to a coin. Not everyone is out to help others. Magic is and will always be around.
Science is magic explained.
Imagine the first person who figured out how to control fire. I would expect that everyone around them thought it was magic and this person had special 'powers'. We now know how fire works, so its no longer a mystery. The same with illness. If you got sick before and you didn't heal on your own you died. But, what about that crazy old lady, that witch that lives down the road all by herself. Go see her. With her magic spells and herblore she might be able to help, for a price. Usually the cure was more herblore and a bit of mumbo jumbo for show, But if it worked?
.
The stories I tell all have a point.
Humans need the idea of good vs. evil. Its along the same lines as Hope and Faith. They are things that make us human and not just clever monkeys. The age old struggle between good and evil gives us a focus, a way to channel our own insecurities and emotions into something larger than ourselves. It takes the focus off of ourselves, how can this be a bad thing? We all seek to be part of something, whether we admit it or not. To seek out others and a common cause is part of our nature as humans.
So if I tell them a story or read them the Hobbit, there are lessons to be learned. The cast of characters doesn't really matter. The point is the same.
The boys know this and will tell you, if you ask that "if we work together, we can get the job done!" Actually, I think that line can from Bob the Builder but it doesn't matter. They understand that differences aren't the important thing.
I don't see a problem with my stories, if I did I wouldn't tell them. But children need the opportunity to explore all aspects of their world imaginary or real. It may be fantasy to you and me, but maybe not to them. I love mythical creatures. I love telling my children about them. I like to see the wonder in their faces at the idea that there are guardians of nature, hidden in the forest, silly and playful pixies making mischief in the kitchen, great dragons guarding treasure deep in the mountains.
I want them to know that goals are important, but not as important as the journey itself. Whether or not we succeed or fail in this goals, in the eyes of others or ourselves, doesn't ultimately matter. Our goals do not define us. It is the journey itself that ultimately defines who we are.
These are the things I want them to learn. So what if I use elves and fairies to do it. I want them to know, to understand that outside appearances or apparent differences, are not defining. Everyone and everything are unique and with value. Different types of people can work together, toward a common goal. A hobbit, some elves, a dwarf, humans whatever the case may be. My hope is that it will translate later in their lives. That they will see that everyone has value. Every culture has something to teach us. That we really aren't that different.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
2010 DARWIN AWARDS
You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado here are the 2010 Darwin awards.
8th Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
7th Place A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
6th Place While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
5th Place Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was robbing. Death was caused when the long torch he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free, rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor..
4th Place Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
3rd Place After walking around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONOURABLE MENTION Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 a.m. So they lit a stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed
RUNNER UP Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then
tied the other (!) to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS... Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
8th Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
7th Place A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
6th Place While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
5th Place Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was robbing. Death was caused when the long torch he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free, rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor..
4th Place Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
3rd Place After walking around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONOURABLE MENTION Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 a.m. So they lit a stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed
RUNNER UP Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then
tied the other (!) to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS... Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL!
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