So, last night I stayed up with Bill and actually watched the local news. I rarely do that, for many reasons. I just really wanted to see the weather, which of course they make you sit through 20 minutes of what they think is important news, all the while, teasing you about weather forecast every 3 minutes.
We don't have cable or satellite, so we are stuck with about 10 local channels. We decided to stop paying for dish because we had 120 channels and there was never anything on. Unless you really want to watch the bible channels, shopping channels & Spanish channels. The Spanish channels are really not that bad, some of those novellas look really interesting, but they all talk so fast I only really can catch every 10th word. But with any soap opera, you really don't need the sound! But we don't need to watch those channels, everyone in this household needs to learn English before trying to speak other languages :)
Anyway, back the news. So as we sat there suffering though the news, and I like channel 5 for overall entertainment value, I call it the Doom & Gloom channel, or the Armageddon station. Because if you watch it long enough anytime, you will start to feel as if it is indeed the end or you'll want to end your own life.
So, there we were and they started in. The lead story was about an escaped Sex offender. He had been convicted and sentenced to a treatment facility and escaped. So we have the reporter standing outside the courthouse talking about the case, then it kept cutting back to her interviewing the ADA. The ADA was talking about how violent this man was, yada yada. Apparently this wasn't the first time he had been convicted. Apparently he is a repeat offender with at least 3 other convictions under his belt. Treatment facility??? Really?? Treatment..... Maybe its just me but I am thinking that a stay in a mental facility for 'treatment' isn't really gonna work. The scene then changed to start showing the treatment facility. They kept saying how they didn't know how he escaped. Now they are showing the fence with razor wire and the locking doors, etc. Then just as they say, yet again that they have no idea how he escaped, they show a gate wide frickin' open. I turned to Bill and said, "ooo I think I know how he got out". They showed that open gate like 5 times while saying how secure the facility is. Really? The door was open. Completely open you could just walk out and be on the road in like 30 yards. Shut the f****** door people. I bet he just walked out, hitched a ride away. Treatment. Can't get over it. I have an excellent way to help with the burden on our justice system, which I would love to share.
It will just cement all the reasons why I would never hold any sort of elected office.
Here is what I think would help, save money for the court systems, help with overcrowding in the jails and really take good amount of strain off of our overworked police forces.
Let's just say that, hypothetically, this violent sex offender, and did I mention it was kids he is attracted too? Didn't? sorry, now you know, it does make a difference to me.
Let's say they catch this asshole. Let's go ahead and have the trial immediately, like within a couple of hours. Make sure that you invite as many of the victims and their family as possible to sit in the courtroom. Now here is the twist. It will be kind of like a little lottery. Everyone in the courtroom will get a number. After the conviction, The Bailiff will pick a number out of a hat, if the number he picks matches your number, he gives you a f****** loaded, with only 1 bullet, gun and you get to shoot the asshole. See, simple. Of course this is not a plan without flaws. But it beats 'treatment' for someone who apparently has a pattern of behavior, rape a kid, get out jail, do it again, get out again, do it again, go for treatment? Really who thought that up. Why do we waste our resources, feeding and caring for these people? There are starving people, children, in this country, that we could be taking care of, but somehow we have chosen to spend countless thousands of dollars "treating" a child rapist??? Am I just confused? Wonderful solution! Let's keep the repeat offenders in jail, feeding them, giving them medical care, so they can take up space and money? Why? They are just going to do it again. Shoot them! Immediately. Don't wait months or years to try them. We could move this along a little quicker if we just put a little more effort into it. I know, I know, equal right, right to a fair trial, Right to a competent defense. Every child molester has rights that, God Forbid, we just must not violate. But, what if they were falsely convicted?? Yep, Bill and I have this argument alot. Our system is flawed now. People have spend decades in jail for crimes that they may not have committed. And Thanks to better forensic techniques they are being acquitted. And I do think that is great! But, I have yet to see a case, and they might, exist where the person acquitted was a convicted child molester. One of the most wonderful things, I believe, about this country is Equal Rights. However, like many other things, we have blown it out of proportion. If you rape a child or knowingly cause, deliberate harm to a child, f*** your rights. Don't like lottery solution? then lets give the victim the gun, if they want it. If they don't then let's give the gun to the judge. Sentencing can then be carried out immediately. We just saved a ton of frickin' money and we didn't even have to switch to Geico. I know that my views are harsh. But, has anyone seen any statistics on the rate of repeat offenders??? We pay our police force about as much as we pay our teachers, and people wonder why we have so many issues in the country? I know that seems like I just took a big turn, but, if we had more teachers and less kids in each classroom, you know that there is a good chance that some teacher may see some of this behavior, when it could, possibly, I don't know for sure, be treated. Teacher's tend to notice things when they can. Teacher's should be the highest paid people in this country. They should make more than Doctor''s, professional athletes, everyone!! We depend on our teachers to teach. And whether you believe it or not, they, the teachers have alot of influence on children and where this country is headed. Pay them. Pay Soldiers, Policemen(women) more than other people. If you paid the cops better, gave them the budget they needed, make the penalty for repeat offenders so high that they will not re offend, I think you would see a natural decline in crime. Give the teacher's the pay, benefits and anything they think they need, so they can do their job. We are taking advantage of one of the most important resources this country has. Why should a teacher make between $40 & $45,000 a year and someone who plays a game, they are not changing the world, they are playing a game, why should they make at least twice as much as a teacher? The CBA makes sure that it sets a minimum NFL player salary. The minimum salary is determined every year by the CBA. The minimum NFL player salary for a new player was US $295,000 in 2008 which went up to US $310,000 in 2009. WTF
I love football. I would love my children to be taught by people who are happy to be teaching. Who have everything they need so they can focus on teaching and not whether or not they are going to be able to make their mortgage payment.
Sorry I lost my steam on that one, had to go up and built a new train track. I am considerably calmer now. I still like my lottery idea.
But moving right along, the next story I found to be particularly interesting.
This chic in Moline, IL tried to skate on the Mississippi River on Wednesday. Ashley something or other, I am sure you can guess the outcome. Yep, as I am sure you guessed, it wasn't really frozen, just part of the surface had ice. Don't they cover that in Science classes?? Oh yeah, I forgot, the whole teacher thing. Anyway, she could just be an idiot, I was an idiot at 26, but I am pretty sure I knew that it would be a dumb ass idea to try and ice skate on the Mississippi river. They got her pulled out of the river at considerable danger to the rescue workers, she is recovering at the hospital.
See, why I try to avoid the news?? I understand the escaped, violent sex offender story, yea, that's good to know, but the next best news they could find was about a chic who fell in the river?? Don't we have other issues that are more important? Isn't there still a war going on? you would think that would make the news?
North Korea? Maybe that's only important to the people in south Korea? How about that I'm a dinner Jacket guy? sorry I mean Ahmadinejad? He seems like someone we really should be concerned with.
Anyway, I'm done now. Off to go and see if I can be productive. Have a safe and Happy New Year :)
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Day 9, 05:45
Ah the outstanding joys of being the first one up! Well, not counting the dog and cats. But the cats know Sam is up so they have retreated to the relative safety of the laundry room.
Coffee freshly, brewed and waiting ever so patiently for me to partake of its wondrous joys.
But, like all good things, it could not last.
***sigh***
Yesterday was productive. I am very proud of myself! Most of the laundry is done, only 3 loads left. 6 meals have been made and frozen for future use. Menus done until Feb 12, Grocery lists written out, coupons printed. All set for major shopping today. Also on the agenda is a library stop, dropping off & picking up. I do so love when I have books waiting!
Bill is off today and only has to work 8 hours tomorrow during the day, not that we have big plans for New Years, we don't. But, it was 11 years tomorrow, that he first proposed to me. The proposal doesn't rank up there with the most romantic ever, but if you know Bill, it was pretty romantic for him.
I remember it well. We were just sitting on the couch, watching Dick Clark, when he nudged me and handed me the ring. Ah.. My amazingly romantic response, "are you fucking kidding me?" I know we both just ooze romance. To which he replied, "Nope, serious". I responded with the a heartfelt, "Well, okay then". We are so flippin' romantically. We then proceeded to get stupid drunk. My supervisor called shortly after wanting me to come to work, but I was already drunk, so I got a pass. New Years day was amazing! I had won a guest spot keeping score and announcing for the Florida Panther's the next day. It was alot of fun! Good times were had by all! Was on the radio and everything.
Now I am lucky if I can stay up till ten, okay I'll be honest 9:15 is pushing it and I have no desire to see Dick Clark anymore. I think he is really dead and someone has reanimated his corpse. Creepy.
I mean come on people, let's get someone a little more animated. I have some excellent host ideas! My top picks would be Hank Williams Jr., Steven Tyler & Tommy Lee. Why? Its a party, let's get some experts. Just for a little more fun, get K.C. & the Sunshine band to play a few numbers, I hear as long as you tell K.C. there is an open bar he'll show up.
I Love K.C. & the Sunshine band!
Anywho. Its still soupy with a chance of more soup later in the day, switching over to frozen soup. I really dislike drizzle. If you just can't manage to all out, please just don't bother. Get some rest, Try later.
Sam Needs a friend. I saw that the local animal control had posted the most adorable puppy. She is about 12 months old and apparently good with other animals and kids. She's white with some black on her ears and back. Can't really tell what breed(s) she might be though. Looks like a Pitt, German shepherd, jack Russell terrier sort of thing going on. I don't even know why I am talking about her. Bill said absolutely NO to anything else that eats. So I didnt' even bother to mention this little girl. But Sam really needs someone of her own species to play with. She is still not getting it that the cats will not play with her. Mama will kick her ass, but that's about as involved as Mama is going to get. Gracie & Monkey just avoid her. I think maybe its because Sam keeps trying to sniff their butts and they just aren't into that sort of thing.
What else.... since I probably won't be online again till tomorrow....nope got nothing interesting. Same shit, Boys are maniacs, Dog is crazy insane.
Alrighty then folks, I'm off.
Coffee freshly, brewed and waiting ever so patiently for me to partake of its wondrous joys.
But, like all good things, it could not last.
***sigh***
Yesterday was productive. I am very proud of myself! Most of the laundry is done, only 3 loads left. 6 meals have been made and frozen for future use. Menus done until Feb 12, Grocery lists written out, coupons printed. All set for major shopping today. Also on the agenda is a library stop, dropping off & picking up. I do so love when I have books waiting!
Bill is off today and only has to work 8 hours tomorrow during the day, not that we have big plans for New Years, we don't. But, it was 11 years tomorrow, that he first proposed to me. The proposal doesn't rank up there with the most romantic ever, but if you know Bill, it was pretty romantic for him.
I remember it well. We were just sitting on the couch, watching Dick Clark, when he nudged me and handed me the ring. Ah.. My amazingly romantic response, "are you fucking kidding me?" I know we both just ooze romance. To which he replied, "Nope, serious". I responded with the a heartfelt, "Well, okay then". We are so flippin' romantically. We then proceeded to get stupid drunk. My supervisor called shortly after wanting me to come to work, but I was already drunk, so I got a pass. New Years day was amazing! I had won a guest spot keeping score and announcing for the Florida Panther's the next day. It was alot of fun! Good times were had by all! Was on the radio and everything.
Now I am lucky if I can stay up till ten, okay I'll be honest 9:15 is pushing it and I have no desire to see Dick Clark anymore. I think he is really dead and someone has reanimated his corpse. Creepy.
I mean come on people, let's get someone a little more animated. I have some excellent host ideas! My top picks would be Hank Williams Jr., Steven Tyler & Tommy Lee. Why? Its a party, let's get some experts. Just for a little more fun, get K.C. & the Sunshine band to play a few numbers, I hear as long as you tell K.C. there is an open bar he'll show up.
I Love K.C. & the Sunshine band!
Anywho. Its still soupy with a chance of more soup later in the day, switching over to frozen soup. I really dislike drizzle. If you just can't manage to all out, please just don't bother. Get some rest, Try later.
Sam Needs a friend. I saw that the local animal control had posted the most adorable puppy. She is about 12 months old and apparently good with other animals and kids. She's white with some black on her ears and back. Can't really tell what breed(s) she might be though. Looks like a Pitt, German shepherd, jack Russell terrier sort of thing going on. I don't even know why I am talking about her. Bill said absolutely NO to anything else that eats. So I didnt' even bother to mention this little girl. But Sam really needs someone of her own species to play with. She is still not getting it that the cats will not play with her. Mama will kick her ass, but that's about as involved as Mama is going to get. Gracie & Monkey just avoid her. I think maybe its because Sam keeps trying to sniff their butts and they just aren't into that sort of thing.
What else.... since I probably won't be online again till tomorrow....nope got nothing interesting. Same shit, Boys are maniacs, Dog is crazy insane.
Alrighty then folks, I'm off.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Only 10 Days Left
10 Days till surgery and too much to do! I have decided that I want to pre-cook/prep at least 40 dinners to have tucked in the freezer and ready so that is one less thing anyone has to do. Bill can cook. Matter of fact he is an awesome cook and makes the best damn meatloaf I have ever had, yes it is better than his moms! He does laundry and cleans too. Awesome dude.
Having the meals all ready is mostly for me. Week one, Bill will be home. Week two, Jana will be here as overall adult supervision and the new babysitter will be starting the afternoon of the 17th. But week three, as it stands now, I am on my own. The babysitter will be coming after she gets out of school and will stay until the boys are done with baths, so around 6:30 pm or there abouts. I shouldn't have any trouble with them after that, they do go to bed pretty easily now. The problem will be from the time they wake up in the morning until Bill wakes up and then from the time Bill leaves from work till the babysitter gets here. That gives me a window of about 6 hours in the morning alone with them and anywhere from 1 to 2 1/2 hours until the sitter gets here. She may not be able to come over everyday and her schedule may vary week to week!
Damnit I ordered 16 oompa loompa's weeks ago and it looks like they must have gotten lost in the mail :)
So, I will just do what I do best and completely disregard plans for anything after 7am on the 7th!. See this would be a good time to have friends that lived close by. Damnit I knew I there was a reason why I should have been a little more friendly with people!
Yesterday Bill asked what kind of recovery time we were looking at. He actually said 1 or 2 weeks. Coffee came out of my nose, it was not pleasant. Funny because it made everyone laugh and Evan peed himself, Bill coughed up his coffee too, even though he had no idea why I was laughing.
This proves a point. He sayes he is listening, but he turns on the husband autopilot when I start to talk. His autopilot function is so advanced that he can actually make appropriate responses, noises etc, while actually not really paying attention to what I am saying, he is usually thinking about remodeling. I think he spends alot of time fantasizing about Home depot and Menards. But I am very sure that we have discussed recovery time on several occasions.
We've known for years that I would have to have this surgery and the biggest issue I have had with it is the recovery time. I've waited as long as possible and now that the boys are a little more self-sufficient, I really believe it shouldn't be as difficult to take care of them while keeping my butt on the couch:)
They can dress themselves, everyone is pretty much potty trained, although Evan still doesn't stay dry throughout the night, he doesn't have many accidents during the day. He does however still want to be picked up alot and always wants someone to take him up to the bathroom, he likes company. They can unload the dishwasher, with help. I just don't let them put away the silverware and I have to actually put the dishes and glasses in the cabinet, but they hand them to me and handle the other stuff. They take care of feeding the animals, but I have to do the water for them. I think the main potential problem will be with Evan. He cannot be trusted, not one little bit. The second you are not watching him, he is into something. This mostly occurs downstairs. The little monkey can find a way to climb anything. I was stupid enough once to think I could leave him downstairs while I went to the bathroom. Dumb move. Came downstairs he was on top of the fridge. On top of it!!!! he had used a step stool to get onto the cabinet then got the coffee can to stand on to get up on the fridge. His stupid parents actually thought that the cabinet above the fridge was a good place to store stuff we didn't want the kids to get, like the dog & cat meds, various over the counter meds, lighter fluid, etc. Nope its not safe there.
Most of the issues with Evan are my fault. I let the boys cook with me, so the result is, Evan thinks he can cook by himself. I catch him on a pretty regular basis, stacking stuff he is going to cook on counter. He also likes to help himself when he is hungry, which is all the time. He just loves using my makeup. I think he watched to many episodes of Blues Clues, because that boy always finds where I have hidden it. He also just loves to put on deodorant! Daddy has a hard time remembering to put it away and Evan likes to put it on his arms and tummy. He does smell good but we go through alot of deodorant. You just can't take your eyes off of him. Aden is pretty good. Not many issues to worry about with him. The dog is another issue. She can't be trusted either. If you leave anything on the floor, she thinks its hers and she will eat it. The boys are getting the hint and are getting a little better at keeping stuff picked up.
Anyway, I just have to hope that I'll be completely ready to jump up and chase people in 2 weeks, because I pretty sure that is all the real recovery time I am going to get.
But, it is my job to worry about all the little details.
I'll just try and get as much done as possible to make less work later!
I would imagine that in a month everyone will be sick of beans,casseroles, mexican and italian foods lol.
I need to cook 4 meals to freeze every day, so far 2 were done yesterday and 2 are being cooked now and 2 more ready to cook next today :)
I am making progress!
Having the meals all ready is mostly for me. Week one, Bill will be home. Week two, Jana will be here as overall adult supervision and the new babysitter will be starting the afternoon of the 17th. But week three, as it stands now, I am on my own. The babysitter will be coming after she gets out of school and will stay until the boys are done with baths, so around 6:30 pm or there abouts. I shouldn't have any trouble with them after that, they do go to bed pretty easily now. The problem will be from the time they wake up in the morning until Bill wakes up and then from the time Bill leaves from work till the babysitter gets here. That gives me a window of about 6 hours in the morning alone with them and anywhere from 1 to 2 1/2 hours until the sitter gets here. She may not be able to come over everyday and her schedule may vary week to week!
Damnit I ordered 16 oompa loompa's weeks ago and it looks like they must have gotten lost in the mail :)
So, I will just do what I do best and completely disregard plans for anything after 7am on the 7th!. See this would be a good time to have friends that lived close by. Damnit I knew I there was a reason why I should have been a little more friendly with people!
Yesterday Bill asked what kind of recovery time we were looking at. He actually said 1 or 2 weeks. Coffee came out of my nose, it was not pleasant. Funny because it made everyone laugh and Evan peed himself, Bill coughed up his coffee too, even though he had no idea why I was laughing.
This proves a point. He sayes he is listening, but he turns on the husband autopilot when I start to talk. His autopilot function is so advanced that he can actually make appropriate responses, noises etc, while actually not really paying attention to what I am saying, he is usually thinking about remodeling. I think he spends alot of time fantasizing about Home depot and Menards. But I am very sure that we have discussed recovery time on several occasions.
We've known for years that I would have to have this surgery and the biggest issue I have had with it is the recovery time. I've waited as long as possible and now that the boys are a little more self-sufficient, I really believe it shouldn't be as difficult to take care of them while keeping my butt on the couch:)
They can dress themselves, everyone is pretty much potty trained, although Evan still doesn't stay dry throughout the night, he doesn't have many accidents during the day. He does however still want to be picked up alot and always wants someone to take him up to the bathroom, he likes company. They can unload the dishwasher, with help. I just don't let them put away the silverware and I have to actually put the dishes and glasses in the cabinet, but they hand them to me and handle the other stuff. They take care of feeding the animals, but I have to do the water for them. I think the main potential problem will be with Evan. He cannot be trusted, not one little bit. The second you are not watching him, he is into something. This mostly occurs downstairs. The little monkey can find a way to climb anything. I was stupid enough once to think I could leave him downstairs while I went to the bathroom. Dumb move. Came downstairs he was on top of the fridge. On top of it!!!! he had used a step stool to get onto the cabinet then got the coffee can to stand on to get up on the fridge. His stupid parents actually thought that the cabinet above the fridge was a good place to store stuff we didn't want the kids to get, like the dog & cat meds, various over the counter meds, lighter fluid, etc. Nope its not safe there.
Most of the issues with Evan are my fault. I let the boys cook with me, so the result is, Evan thinks he can cook by himself. I catch him on a pretty regular basis, stacking stuff he is going to cook on counter. He also likes to help himself when he is hungry, which is all the time. He just loves using my makeup. I think he watched to many episodes of Blues Clues, because that boy always finds where I have hidden it. He also just loves to put on deodorant! Daddy has a hard time remembering to put it away and Evan likes to put it on his arms and tummy. He does smell good but we go through alot of deodorant. You just can't take your eyes off of him. Aden is pretty good. Not many issues to worry about with him. The dog is another issue. She can't be trusted either. If you leave anything on the floor, she thinks its hers and she will eat it. The boys are getting the hint and are getting a little better at keeping stuff picked up.
Anyway, I just have to hope that I'll be completely ready to jump up and chase people in 2 weeks, because I pretty sure that is all the real recovery time I am going to get.
But, it is my job to worry about all the little details.
I'll just try and get as much done as possible to make less work later!
I would imagine that in a month everyone will be sick of beans,casseroles, mexican and italian foods lol.
I need to cook 4 meals to freeze every day, so far 2 were done yesterday and 2 are being cooked now and 2 more ready to cook next today :)
I am making progress!
The Evil Doctor Pork Chop Invades
The Evil Dr. Pork Chop has invaded! He has found an army to help him destroy the Island of Sodor. Thankfully, Woody & Buzz were there to save the day. They did have help! They called in the Allied forces, Dora, Thomas the Train, Donkey Kong, Lightening McQueen & Chucky from the Rugrats.
It was an amazing sight to see. The peaceful island of Sodor (Train table) usually doesn't have many problems other than the train bridge and tracks mysteriously getting blown up, I suspect it is the work of the notorious One-eyed Bart & Black Betty. Thomas and his train buddies were happily chugging along, Pete was training his Dragon and the Firemen and the Policeman were trying to save Chucky who was trapped on the lake in his boat, surrounded by Giant Evil Snakes. Emergency vehicles were of course standing by. Why they didn't just use the Helicopter is beyond me.
Anyway, it was just another typical day, until suddenly, T-Rex jumped into the middle of the Village and started eating everyone. Well he tried to anywa, his mouth doesn't open all that far. Dragon was there immediately to fight off T-Rex. It was a horrendous battle. Dragon flapped his wings, stomped all over and breathed his terrible fire breath on everyone and everything. He is not very accurate, he only walks forward and you can't really control when he will flap his wings. Anyway, T-Rex was no match for the mighty dragon. Unfortunately, the entire village was destroyed in the Battle. Before the stunned citizens could even begin to contemplate rebuilding, the Evil Dr. Pork Chop, played this time, by a green plastic piggy bank, flew in to make his demands!. He had with him an entire army of fat Fisher Price Little People, who were angry for not being allowed to live in the village.
Evil Dr. Pork Chop demanded that the trains bring him chocolate chip cookies to his evil lair.
He also wanted Chucky to stop fishing in the lake and leave the snakes alone.
The citizens were terrified. Luckily for them Woody and Buzz showed up right then. Dora and Donkey Kong, because we just don't have Boots, but we do have a 2 1/2 foot tall monkey, rushed to the lake to try and save a hysterical Chucky. Donkey Kong ate the snakes and plucked Chucky out of the lake, while Dora ran around in circles screaming 'We did it, We did it, We did it, Hooray, Yes we did it!" Donkey Kong then ate Dora. No one seemed particularly upset.
The fight for the freedom of The Island of Sodor continued. Big Woody, who is a good 18" tall, smacked Dr. Evil Pork chop across the room, while Big Buzz rounded up the evil Little People and trapped them in a Giant Lego bucket and sent them back to Bath Tub Town. That shut them up. Once they were taken care of Woody and Buzz turned their attention to One-eyed Bart & Black Betty. That was not going to be too hard, everyone knows if you take their eyes or feet off they are done for. And if you really want to mess with Black Betty remove her ear if she's wearing her ear ring ears. That only left the fiend Evil Mr. Smee. Having finally escaped the influence of Captain Hook, he settled in on Sodor Island to start a bed and breakfast. Business was good. Jessie helped him plant the flowers and Thomas and friends helped haul all of the goods needed. Mr. Smee told everyone that he bought the tree house from Winnie the Pooh, who had left with all of his friends to move back to the Hundred Acre wood to take care of a very sick Christopher Robin. What everyone didn't know is that he had Winnie the Pooh, piglet, eyeore, rabbit, owl and Tigger all locked up in the attic. Mr. Smee knew the heroes would come for him, since Jessie had become suspicious about how sudden Winnie and his Friends left and without saying goodbye. Jessie told mini Buzz who then told mini Woody. Mini woody was in a tragic accident and no longer has feet, they were eaten by the giant Sam Monster. Anyway, Woody now uses the super fast lego truck to get around and he gave mini Buzz a lift to the tree house where they met up with Jessie. Meanwhile, 18" Woody and 8" Buzz were busy trying to get T-Rex back to his cave and Dragon to stop Stomping and flapping his wings, his button had gotten stuck and he was really tearing the place up, Pete had somehow disappeared, it is suspected that the Giant Monster Sam had taken him hostage, his whereabouts are still unknown and the worst is feared. The Mini Friends arrived at the tree house, captured Mr. Smee and put him to work at the quarry, freed Winnie and his friends. Rabbit of course not very grateful and complained alot so they sent him to the quarry too.
With Evil Dr. Pork Chop and his evil minions defeated, the Heroes celebrated, by rebuilding the track, tidying up their room and finally getting to bed.
Then Mommy finally had some piece and quiet.
It was an amazing sight to see. The peaceful island of Sodor (Train table) usually doesn't have many problems other than the train bridge and tracks mysteriously getting blown up, I suspect it is the work of the notorious One-eyed Bart & Black Betty. Thomas and his train buddies were happily chugging along, Pete was training his Dragon and the Firemen and the Policeman were trying to save Chucky who was trapped on the lake in his boat, surrounded by Giant Evil Snakes. Emergency vehicles were of course standing by. Why they didn't just use the Helicopter is beyond me.
Anyway, it was just another typical day, until suddenly, T-Rex jumped into the middle of the Village and started eating everyone. Well he tried to anywa, his mouth doesn't open all that far. Dragon was there immediately to fight off T-Rex. It was a horrendous battle. Dragon flapped his wings, stomped all over and breathed his terrible fire breath on everyone and everything. He is not very accurate, he only walks forward and you can't really control when he will flap his wings. Anyway, T-Rex was no match for the mighty dragon. Unfortunately, the entire village was destroyed in the Battle. Before the stunned citizens could even begin to contemplate rebuilding, the Evil Dr. Pork Chop, played this time, by a green plastic piggy bank, flew in to make his demands!. He had with him an entire army of fat Fisher Price Little People, who were angry for not being allowed to live in the village.
Evil Dr. Pork Chop demanded that the trains bring him chocolate chip cookies to his evil lair.
He also wanted Chucky to stop fishing in the lake and leave the snakes alone.
The citizens were terrified. Luckily for them Woody and Buzz showed up right then. Dora and Donkey Kong, because we just don't have Boots, but we do have a 2 1/2 foot tall monkey, rushed to the lake to try and save a hysterical Chucky. Donkey Kong ate the snakes and plucked Chucky out of the lake, while Dora ran around in circles screaming 'We did it, We did it, We did it, Hooray, Yes we did it!" Donkey Kong then ate Dora. No one seemed particularly upset.
The fight for the freedom of The Island of Sodor continued. Big Woody, who is a good 18" tall, smacked Dr. Evil Pork chop across the room, while Big Buzz rounded up the evil Little People and trapped them in a Giant Lego bucket and sent them back to Bath Tub Town. That shut them up. Once they were taken care of Woody and Buzz turned their attention to One-eyed Bart & Black Betty. That was not going to be too hard, everyone knows if you take their eyes or feet off they are done for. And if you really want to mess with Black Betty remove her ear if she's wearing her ear ring ears. That only left the fiend Evil Mr. Smee. Having finally escaped the influence of Captain Hook, he settled in on Sodor Island to start a bed and breakfast. Business was good. Jessie helped him plant the flowers and Thomas and friends helped haul all of the goods needed. Mr. Smee told everyone that he bought the tree house from Winnie the Pooh, who had left with all of his friends to move back to the Hundred Acre wood to take care of a very sick Christopher Robin. What everyone didn't know is that he had Winnie the Pooh, piglet, eyeore, rabbit, owl and Tigger all locked up in the attic. Mr. Smee knew the heroes would come for him, since Jessie had become suspicious about how sudden Winnie and his Friends left and without saying goodbye. Jessie told mini Buzz who then told mini Woody. Mini woody was in a tragic accident and no longer has feet, they were eaten by the giant Sam Monster. Anyway, Woody now uses the super fast lego truck to get around and he gave mini Buzz a lift to the tree house where they met up with Jessie. Meanwhile, 18" Woody and 8" Buzz were busy trying to get T-Rex back to his cave and Dragon to stop Stomping and flapping his wings, his button had gotten stuck and he was really tearing the place up, Pete had somehow disappeared, it is suspected that the Giant Monster Sam had taken him hostage, his whereabouts are still unknown and the worst is feared. The Mini Friends arrived at the tree house, captured Mr. Smee and put him to work at the quarry, freed Winnie and his friends. Rabbit of course not very grateful and complained alot so they sent him to the quarry too.
With Evil Dr. Pork Chop and his evil minions defeated, the Heroes celebrated, by rebuilding the track, tidying up their room and finally getting to bed.
Then Mommy finally had some piece and quiet.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Response to 'Church ladies'
Okay so apparently I have not been clear on a few subjects. Judging by the amount of less than happy readers, none of which I know, I should be a little more specific.
So I will try, here goes.
I am sarcastic and rude. These are two traits that you will always need to keep in mind if you read these blogs. I have no intention of changing that. I am capable of not being rude. I don't know if I am capable of not being sarcastic, haven't tried it. Don't really see it happening anytime soon.
I Do NOT Hate Christians.
However, I do find many to be confused and irritating. Not all, just a portion of them, those that present themselves as overbearing and right about everything. I know a several that I actually love dearly. However, going door to door soliciting for your god is a bit tacky. Churches are never hard to find. Trust me when I say if I wanted to visit your church I can find it myself. I'll call you.
To be even more specific, I don't hate any religious group, although I tend to find lots of things about organized religion, irritating. Mostly its the groups that tend to try to recruit people by going door to door, oh shit, wait, that's the Christians, again. That's not my fault. You don't see Jews, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindi's, or many pagan's going door to door do you? But if you do, pretty please give them my address! I would just love a little sit down chat.
I don't care if you think that I am a horrible person for being mean to the Church Ladies. For the record I was nothing but polite, I made them tea. We chatted and I hope we had a mutually beneficial discussion, that brought hope and enlightenment to all.
I do not wake up in the morning and actually think of things to say to offend people. Well not most mornings. People do things, I make comments, its what I do.
I am capable of being political correct, however, I mostly think its a bunch of bullshit and an extreme waste of time, going around trying to make everyone feel all fuzzy wuzzy. Life is not Fair and anyone telling you it is, is probably trying to sell you something.
Examples of my offensive nature will probably be seen anytime I write on this blog.
Suggestion, Don't read this blog. It's my blog, my thoughts, my opinions. It is all mine! Mine, Mine, mine! Perhaps, before you commented on my actions & opinions, you should have read previous blogs to better understand the nature of this blog. This is my therapy.
I do not care what religion you are or if you have a religion or not. Really I don't care. If I want to know, I will ask you!
Whether you are a Buddhist or someone who sits around on a bean bag worshipping little green polka dotted alien elephants, its really all the same to me. But I do like Buddhists.
I just think that if you believe in something, regardless of who or what it is, its better than nothing, unless you feel that believing in nothing is what works best for you. Believe whatever you want, my opinion of your religious beliefs doesn't really matter does it?
I rarely seek out religious conversation, for what I would consider, if you are considering me, very obvious reasons. I will ask questions, I tend to expect answers. I will probably make sarcastic and snippy little comments, I tend to want Answers that make sense.
So here are some handy, dandy tips just in case you really want to go there.
If you actually want to tell me what religion you are, because I probably won't ask, be prepared with some simple facts.
Know exactly what it is that you worship.
Know whether or not your religion is just another version of some other religion.
If you are a pagan and profess that your great, great, great, great grandmother, and on your mother's side, and every female since the dawn of time, have been wiccan high priestesses, I am probably going to laugh at you. I find wiccans who think wicca is an ancient religion, really annoying. That's right up there with people who say they are wiccan but aren't actually practicing wicca. Just know that I actually know when wicca was invented, and yes it was invented and it was way after Christianity, so don't try and say that either. But to show my soft & caring side. I would be more than happy to actually explain the origins of Wicca and the difference between Witchcraft and Wicca, since so many Wiccans, seem a bit confused about it.
I did find it very heartwarming though that I had a purported 'Wiccan' jumping to the defense of the Church Ladies, that was really nice of them.
So one more time, Just in case I haven't been clear. I DO NOT CARE if you found the blog about the Church Ladies offensive. But I do sincerely thank you for upping my blog traffic by about 500% for that day. And a big thanks to those who commented that they do enjoy the post, even though most of those positive comments were on my facebook page. I thought and still think the Church ladies incident was funny. I had a good time. Would do it again, mostly the same way, except I would serve cookies too. Maybe some whiskey to put in the tea.....
I'll have to remember to keep some on hand.....you just never know.
So I will try, here goes.
I am sarcastic and rude. These are two traits that you will always need to keep in mind if you read these blogs. I have no intention of changing that. I am capable of not being rude. I don't know if I am capable of not being sarcastic, haven't tried it. Don't really see it happening anytime soon.
I Do NOT Hate Christians.
However, I do find many to be confused and irritating. Not all, just a portion of them, those that present themselves as overbearing and right about everything. I know a several that I actually love dearly. However, going door to door soliciting for your god is a bit tacky. Churches are never hard to find. Trust me when I say if I wanted to visit your church I can find it myself. I'll call you.
To be even more specific, I don't hate any religious group, although I tend to find lots of things about organized religion, irritating. Mostly its the groups that tend to try to recruit people by going door to door, oh shit, wait, that's the Christians, again. That's not my fault. You don't see Jews, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindi's, or many pagan's going door to door do you? But if you do, pretty please give them my address! I would just love a little sit down chat.
I don't care if you think that I am a horrible person for being mean to the Church Ladies. For the record I was nothing but polite, I made them tea. We chatted and I hope we had a mutually beneficial discussion, that brought hope and enlightenment to all.
I do not wake up in the morning and actually think of things to say to offend people. Well not most mornings. People do things, I make comments, its what I do.
I am capable of being political correct, however, I mostly think its a bunch of bullshit and an extreme waste of time, going around trying to make everyone feel all fuzzy wuzzy. Life is not Fair and anyone telling you it is, is probably trying to sell you something.
Examples of my offensive nature will probably be seen anytime I write on this blog.
Suggestion, Don't read this blog. It's my blog, my thoughts, my opinions. It is all mine! Mine, Mine, mine! Perhaps, before you commented on my actions & opinions, you should have read previous blogs to better understand the nature of this blog. This is my therapy.
I do not care what religion you are or if you have a religion or not. Really I don't care. If I want to know, I will ask you!
Whether you are a Buddhist or someone who sits around on a bean bag worshipping little green polka dotted alien elephants, its really all the same to me. But I do like Buddhists.
I just think that if you believe in something, regardless of who or what it is, its better than nothing, unless you feel that believing in nothing is what works best for you. Believe whatever you want, my opinion of your religious beliefs doesn't really matter does it?
I rarely seek out religious conversation, for what I would consider, if you are considering me, very obvious reasons. I will ask questions, I tend to expect answers. I will probably make sarcastic and snippy little comments, I tend to want Answers that make sense.
So here are some handy, dandy tips just in case you really want to go there.
If you actually want to tell me what religion you are, because I probably won't ask, be prepared with some simple facts.
Know exactly what it is that you worship.
Know whether or not your religion is just another version of some other religion.
If you are a pagan and profess that your great, great, great, great grandmother, and on your mother's side, and every female since the dawn of time, have been wiccan high priestesses, I am probably going to laugh at you. I find wiccans who think wicca is an ancient religion, really annoying. That's right up there with people who say they are wiccan but aren't actually practicing wicca. Just know that I actually know when wicca was invented, and yes it was invented and it was way after Christianity, so don't try and say that either. But to show my soft & caring side. I would be more than happy to actually explain the origins of Wicca and the difference between Witchcraft and Wicca, since so many Wiccans, seem a bit confused about it.
I did find it very heartwarming though that I had a purported 'Wiccan' jumping to the defense of the Church Ladies, that was really nice of them.
So one more time, Just in case I haven't been clear. I DO NOT CARE if you found the blog about the Church Ladies offensive. But I do sincerely thank you for upping my blog traffic by about 500% for that day. And a big thanks to those who commented that they do enjoy the post, even though most of those positive comments were on my facebook page. I thought and still think the Church ladies incident was funny. I had a good time. Would do it again, mostly the same way, except I would serve cookies too. Maybe some whiskey to put in the tea.....
I'll have to remember to keep some on hand.....you just never know.
Yet another update on Surgery
So we seem all set to do the surgery on Jan 7th and I am sure I'll have to be there at some unholy hour of the morning. Like the last surgery, Bill will just be getting home about the time we have to leave to go to the hospital. But unlike last time, when he comes home, he won't get a nap, he'll have the boys all to his little self. I will make sure to warn the boys to go easy on him but I doubt if they will listen. He gets a little cranky when he doesn't get any sleep.
Still have no idea how long I'll be in the hospital at least one day, maybe 5.
Still not sure exactly what all will or can be done, or how.
This is getting pretty redundant. The doctor will try to do everything without cutting me from one end to the other, but that is really not all that likely, so we'll see.
Mysterious pain in the general vicinity of my gallbladder hurts like hell, again. Still all tests come back negative I have come to the conclusion that someone is using a voodoo doll.
So, who ever you are with the voodoo doll that looks like me, you can stop now.
I should be in la la land for anywhere between 4 & hopefully not more than 6 hours. But really will I care at the time? I better not. I better be out.
Let's see recovery around 8-12 weeks, of course that depends too, seems to be a pattern.
I'm at the point now that its actually official were I am starting to have second thoughts.
Not about whether or not I should have the surgery, I should, shit is not working right, I am not using it, it is causing lots of issues, get it all out. My doubts are running along these lines. 2 years ago, when this doctor did my tubal, I was talking to a neighbor, and when she heard the name of the doctor, she said, "don't let him do it "he's a butcher, I had a friend, so and so, had him for a surgery and she's had nothing but problems since". Okay well, at the time I didn't really pay much attention, I just tucked that little bit of info away. I have heard all kinds of things about my surgeon, the biggest complaint I hear is that he is an asshole. He has done 3 laproscopic procedures on me so far. I have looked and looked and can not find any complaints against him, any record of malpractice suits. all of his licenses are current and good standing. Personally, I don't care if he's an asshole, I am not looking for a new best friend. He is a bit of an asshole, but I when you deal with idiots all the time its hard not to be one. I have heard him cuss and yell at the insurance people. 3 Procedures, no infections afterward, no complications after any procedure, the no infections thing is the biggest to me. I had a staph infection after Aden was born, a small one, my incision also came open. The worst was after Evan was born. I ended up with a completely open incision, 3 separate staph infections and a 3 week stay in hospital after an allergic reaction to the Bactrim they gave me for the infections. It was just freakin' lovely. That in itself is quite a tale and I am sure the pictures of me are plastered all over the Internet on medical sites & in medical journals. Anyway.
Oh, and don;t let me forget the MRSA staph infection that I developed after being in the hospital for 3 weeks while they tried to treat the other staph infections.
Yeah. My mother-in-law informed me after I got all the infections and was home that she saw a thing about the hospital I had the boys had a horrible rate of staph infections. Nice to know after the fact.
So, I know doctors are human for the most part and I am pretty sure no one is perfect. Going back and reading what I just typed, really helps convince me that I am just looking for a reason to call off the surgery, because deep down, I am just a big ol' wussy. This Doctor, has been nothing but diligent, persistent and cautious, when it has come to making decisions about what to do next and looking for the cause of my problems. I think I should just stop worrying about it and focus on trying to get enough done in the next week so the house will run smoothly and no one will live on mac & cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches and eggs for 30 days. Bill can cook, its just will he? He has never tried to cook, while keeping the boys from tearing the house down around him. It takes some practice.
Oh how I wish I could set up hidden cameras all over the house so I can watch the magic unfold. I am evil, just an amazingly evil person!. But, surely if he can handle supervising the men at the warehouse, he candle handle two little boys. Surely, he can.
He knows how to do laundry, everything will be just fine.
Now let's just hope that the surgery goes well, I recovery with my normal amazing speed and this solves most of my issues. If it doesn't I am in a world of hurt. Bill will only have 1 week of vacation left and I would like to use that for an actual vacation, hopefully to the lake.
Well, that was enough depressing stuff:) I'll go start the first of many loads of laundry today and perhaps work on my blog response to some of the people that I offended with the 'Church ladies" blog. Not that I actually care that they are offended, I don't know any of them, but I think they missed several key points.
On that note I will take off for a bit.
AND MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOU! ...
Still have no idea how long I'll be in the hospital at least one day, maybe 5.
Still not sure exactly what all will or can be done, or how.
This is getting pretty redundant. The doctor will try to do everything without cutting me from one end to the other, but that is really not all that likely, so we'll see.
Mysterious pain in the general vicinity of my gallbladder hurts like hell, again. Still all tests come back negative I have come to the conclusion that someone is using a voodoo doll.
So, who ever you are with the voodoo doll that looks like me, you can stop now.
I should be in la la land for anywhere between 4 & hopefully not more than 6 hours. But really will I care at the time? I better not. I better be out.
Let's see recovery around 8-12 weeks, of course that depends too, seems to be a pattern.
I'm at the point now that its actually official were I am starting to have second thoughts.
Not about whether or not I should have the surgery, I should, shit is not working right, I am not using it, it is causing lots of issues, get it all out. My doubts are running along these lines. 2 years ago, when this doctor did my tubal, I was talking to a neighbor, and when she heard the name of the doctor, she said, "don't let him do it "he's a butcher, I had a friend, so and so, had him for a surgery and she's had nothing but problems since". Okay well, at the time I didn't really pay much attention, I just tucked that little bit of info away. I have heard all kinds of things about my surgeon, the biggest complaint I hear is that he is an asshole. He has done 3 laproscopic procedures on me so far. I have looked and looked and can not find any complaints against him, any record of malpractice suits. all of his licenses are current and good standing. Personally, I don't care if he's an asshole, I am not looking for a new best friend. He is a bit of an asshole, but I when you deal with idiots all the time its hard not to be one. I have heard him cuss and yell at the insurance people. 3 Procedures, no infections afterward, no complications after any procedure, the no infections thing is the biggest to me. I had a staph infection after Aden was born, a small one, my incision also came open. The worst was after Evan was born. I ended up with a completely open incision, 3 separate staph infections and a 3 week stay in hospital after an allergic reaction to the Bactrim they gave me for the infections. It was just freakin' lovely. That in itself is quite a tale and I am sure the pictures of me are plastered all over the Internet on medical sites & in medical journals. Anyway.
Oh, and don;t let me forget the MRSA staph infection that I developed after being in the hospital for 3 weeks while they tried to treat the other staph infections.
Yeah. My mother-in-law informed me after I got all the infections and was home that she saw a thing about the hospital I had the boys had a horrible rate of staph infections. Nice to know after the fact.
So, I know doctors are human for the most part and I am pretty sure no one is perfect. Going back and reading what I just typed, really helps convince me that I am just looking for a reason to call off the surgery, because deep down, I am just a big ol' wussy. This Doctor, has been nothing but diligent, persistent and cautious, when it has come to making decisions about what to do next and looking for the cause of my problems. I think I should just stop worrying about it and focus on trying to get enough done in the next week so the house will run smoothly and no one will live on mac & cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches and eggs for 30 days. Bill can cook, its just will he? He has never tried to cook, while keeping the boys from tearing the house down around him. It takes some practice.
Oh how I wish I could set up hidden cameras all over the house so I can watch the magic unfold. I am evil, just an amazingly evil person!. But, surely if he can handle supervising the men at the warehouse, he candle handle two little boys. Surely, he can.
He knows how to do laundry, everything will be just fine.
Now let's just hope that the surgery goes well, I recovery with my normal amazing speed and this solves most of my issues. If it doesn't I am in a world of hurt. Bill will only have 1 week of vacation left and I would like to use that for an actual vacation, hopefully to the lake.
Well, that was enough depressing stuff:) I'll go start the first of many loads of laundry today and perhaps work on my blog response to some of the people that I offended with the 'Church ladies" blog. Not that I actually care that they are offended, I don't know any of them, but I think they missed several key points.
On that note I will take off for a bit.
AND MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOU! ...
Monday, December 27, 2010
We're Off to see the Wizard
So we survived Christmas. Christmas eve was hysterical! We tracked Santa on NORAD till he hit the Azores and the boys decided that since he was making such great time, they had better go to bed, that was about 7pm. About 7:30 Bill wanted to go get a bath so he went upstairs and after he went into our bedroom, he heard some giggling and talking. A little set up here. This house is old. There is no sneaking in our house. Every board & every door squeak, loudly. Bill being the kind of guy he is, decided to mess with them. Now it took a while to get what happened out of him, because when he came back down stairs he was laughing so hard he couldn't talk, which made me start laughing, but I had no idea what I was laughing at. Okay so back upstairs. He said walked over to their door and listened to them saying, "Its Him, its really him, shhhh, be quiet, it's Santa, he's here!" So, Bill stepped on the the really squeaky board outside their door, pushed the door in a little and gave a little "ho, ho, ho". Then he popped his head into their room to see them popped up in bed, Eyes & mouths wide open. This was about 7:20pm.
After I finally got the story out of him and I stopped laughing, he went back upstairs to try the bath thing again.
I was sitting on the couch, reading and I hear "Evan, hey Evan, Evan , I heard something". This kept getting louder & louder, until Aden was practically yelling at Evan. I went up there and Bill was standing in the hallway, listening & trying hard not to laugh out loud. I pushed the door in a little and Aden screamed "EVAN wake up he's really here this time". I couldn't help myself I started laughing and just went in. I tried to explain that he shouldn't be yelling Evan is asleep, Evan was really out. Aden kept saying that he heard something on the roof and it had to be Santa, we have to get in bed RIGHT NOW!!!!. I explained again that Santa won't come if you are awake. I didn't want to tell him that if he did hear something it was probably a critter of some sort. I thought this worked so I tucked him back in and went back to my book. There was no way I was going to set anything out until everyone was asleep and since I had everything wrapped that I was going to wrap, wrapped, I was just going to read a bit. This was about 7:45pm
Bill came back downstairs and we contemplated watched a movie, we were thinking Prophesy II since I got that for Hanukkah, but I didn't want to risk it with little people still awake. So we Watched Charlie Brown for a little while. About 8:10 pm, I hear the tell-tell sound of little feet climbing down the ladder of the bunk bed and hitting the floor. The little feet went to each window and paused , must have been looking out. Then over to the music/star projector, clicking the music on, then, and I guess someone was trying to be sneaky, the thump of the ladder being picked up and gently dropped back on the floor, perhaps trying to make is sound as if someone was climbing back up to bed.
Bill and I are both watching the ceiling. Why I am not sure. I don't think it helped us hear what was going on any better, but we did it anyway.
Squeak, Squeak, creak, creak, thump, thump, thump. Must have gotten to the top stair because, really loud squeak, then a few thumps down the stairs. Then silence. The sneaky kid had to have stopped on the 5th stair from the top. I know this without looking because that is the first stair from the stop that if you sit down you can see into the living room and see the TV. We didn't do anything, we just waited.
Then after about 10 minutes, Aden comes creeping into the living room, craning his neck every which way, looking to see if anything had changed.
"I just want to talk to you a minute". The chit chat lasted about 15 more minutes. Mostly it was talk about Santa and how Aden thought that he might like a salad instead of cookies. Why Sam should get a puppy, you know all the important issues to 4 years.
Finally we got him to go back up stairs and I think he finally passed out about 9:00 pm.
By then I was to tired to watch a movie lol.
they didn't get up till about 6:30 am which was a bit surprising I was expecting a 4 am wake up. But, they were happy with what Santa left and pleased that Santa drank all of his hot chocolate and ate both apple crisps.
Christmas Day
Everything went great dinner turned out pretty good and we ate about 2:30pm I was shooting for 2 but hey I only have one oven so it took some mad shuffling to get everything cooked and kept warm without burning or drying out the ham, which if I must say so, turned out pretty good.
The dog passed out about 6 pm & slept till 6 the next morning, she was exhausted. Boys crashed about 7:30 pm. Not to shabby.
Today, I have to schedule the surgery. We are shooting for the 7th of January. We just to make sure we have someone available to sit with the boys during the surgery, because Bill will have to be with me. Doing it on the 7th works out best because its a Friday and that would give Bill a total of 10 days off, with only taking 5 days worth of vacation time. Which would leave him with another 5 days we can save to hopefully go back to the lake.
The new babysitter can be here in the afternoons/early evening on the days Bill works after his vacation ends, that will help because I really don't know how well I'll be doing after 10 days.
There will be a minimum of 1 day hospital stay. If the surgery doesn't go as well as planned I could be looking at a 5 day stay.
So, schedules have now been coordinated, just waiting on Dr. to confirm and okay from insurance company. These little blogs don't just happen in a space of a few minutes this one has spanned 5 hours already :).
To much to do if the 7th is the date we do it. 30 menus need to be figured out, prepped, cooked, laundry done, school work planned and set up for the boys.
The most interesting thing I think is that this will be the very first time, Bill will have to take care of both boys, all by himself. *evil laughing* I am going to make sure I have a room with no phone, but to have hidden cameras set up all over the house recording everything would be pretty funny. It will be a shame that I will miss it. He has absolutely no clue what he is in for. He may need to be committed when I get out of the hospital. I do feel for him, but there is will be good for him. I can't stop laughing. I'm gonna stop blogging before I pee myself.
After I finally got the story out of him and I stopped laughing, he went back upstairs to try the bath thing again.
I was sitting on the couch, reading and I hear "Evan, hey Evan, Evan , I heard something". This kept getting louder & louder, until Aden was practically yelling at Evan. I went up there and Bill was standing in the hallway, listening & trying hard not to laugh out loud. I pushed the door in a little and Aden screamed "EVAN wake up he's really here this time". I couldn't help myself I started laughing and just went in. I tried to explain that he shouldn't be yelling Evan is asleep, Evan was really out. Aden kept saying that he heard something on the roof and it had to be Santa, we have to get in bed RIGHT NOW!!!!. I explained again that Santa won't come if you are awake. I didn't want to tell him that if he did hear something it was probably a critter of some sort. I thought this worked so I tucked him back in and went back to my book. There was no way I was going to set anything out until everyone was asleep and since I had everything wrapped that I was going to wrap, wrapped, I was just going to read a bit. This was about 7:45pm
Bill came back downstairs and we contemplated watched a movie, we were thinking Prophesy II since I got that for Hanukkah, but I didn't want to risk it with little people still awake. So we Watched Charlie Brown for a little while. About 8:10 pm, I hear the tell-tell sound of little feet climbing down the ladder of the bunk bed and hitting the floor. The little feet went to each window and paused , must have been looking out. Then over to the music/star projector, clicking the music on, then, and I guess someone was trying to be sneaky, the thump of the ladder being picked up and gently dropped back on the floor, perhaps trying to make is sound as if someone was climbing back up to bed.
Bill and I are both watching the ceiling. Why I am not sure. I don't think it helped us hear what was going on any better, but we did it anyway.
Squeak, Squeak, creak, creak, thump, thump, thump. Must have gotten to the top stair because, really loud squeak, then a few thumps down the stairs. Then silence. The sneaky kid had to have stopped on the 5th stair from the top. I know this without looking because that is the first stair from the stop that if you sit down you can see into the living room and see the TV. We didn't do anything, we just waited.
Then after about 10 minutes, Aden comes creeping into the living room, craning his neck every which way, looking to see if anything had changed.
"I just want to talk to you a minute". The chit chat lasted about 15 more minutes. Mostly it was talk about Santa and how Aden thought that he might like a salad instead of cookies. Why Sam should get a puppy, you know all the important issues to 4 years.
Finally we got him to go back up stairs and I think he finally passed out about 9:00 pm.
By then I was to tired to watch a movie lol.
they didn't get up till about 6:30 am which was a bit surprising I was expecting a 4 am wake up. But, they were happy with what Santa left and pleased that Santa drank all of his hot chocolate and ate both apple crisps.
Christmas Day
Everything went great dinner turned out pretty good and we ate about 2:30pm I was shooting for 2 but hey I only have one oven so it took some mad shuffling to get everything cooked and kept warm without burning or drying out the ham, which if I must say so, turned out pretty good.
The dog passed out about 6 pm & slept till 6 the next morning, she was exhausted. Boys crashed about 7:30 pm. Not to shabby.
Today, I have to schedule the surgery. We are shooting for the 7th of January. We just to make sure we have someone available to sit with the boys during the surgery, because Bill will have to be with me. Doing it on the 7th works out best because its a Friday and that would give Bill a total of 10 days off, with only taking 5 days worth of vacation time. Which would leave him with another 5 days we can save to hopefully go back to the lake.
The new babysitter can be here in the afternoons/early evening on the days Bill works after his vacation ends, that will help because I really don't know how well I'll be doing after 10 days.
There will be a minimum of 1 day hospital stay. If the surgery doesn't go as well as planned I could be looking at a 5 day stay.
So, schedules have now been coordinated, just waiting on Dr. to confirm and okay from insurance company. These little blogs don't just happen in a space of a few minutes this one has spanned 5 hours already :).
To much to do if the 7th is the date we do it. 30 menus need to be figured out, prepped, cooked, laundry done, school work planned and set up for the boys.
The most interesting thing I think is that this will be the very first time, Bill will have to take care of both boys, all by himself. *evil laughing* I am going to make sure I have a room with no phone, but to have hidden cameras set up all over the house recording everything would be pretty funny. It will be a shame that I will miss it. He has absolutely no clue what he is in for. He may need to be committed when I get out of the hospital. I do feel for him, but there is will be good for him. I can't stop laughing. I'm gonna stop blogging before I pee myself.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Church Ladies
I used to be really put off by the church people who would show up on my door. I would get that twinge of guilt, a surge of indignation at being disturbed, because I knew before I opened the door that I was going to send them on their way.
But since we have moved up here I have pretty much got dealing with church people down to a science. Well at least the ones that come knocking on my door.
When we first moved in it was like a weekly thing. A couple of ladies would come by, welcoming us to town and inviting us to church. How very nice. I did appreciate the effort really.I did. It gave me an opportunity to study them :)
Now before I go any further with this, let me state for the record, that I do believe that faith is a very important, and deeply personal thing. Enough said.
After about four different church ladies had stopped by to invite us to church, and had been politely refused one day a group of three ladies appeared at my door.
Now on this day, Bill was gone and I was feeling a bit, ah let's just call it playful.
After letting them ramble on for a few minutes about why their church is the best, most loving and just an all around favorite of god here in town, I decided to have some fun. I was bored and sometimes I can't control my little urges.
I invited them on in. Told them I was very interested but wanted to learn more. Now that was the truth. I always want to learn more. So I sat them down, got them some tea and proceeded to set myself up.
I got out a notepad and a couple of pens, sticky notes and my handy dandy highlighter made especially for use on bible pages, the ink doesn't bleed through those incredibly thin pages so its just perfect .Then I went to the bookshelves and selected not one, not two, but four different versions of the King James bible. Let the fun begin.
Now to say the looks on their faces were priceless would be quite the understatement. You would have thought I had stripped naked and asked them to smoke some crack.
I sat down. Took a nice long drink of tea and just looked at them, waiting.
Finally, the apparent leader of the group broke the ice with this little statement. "Ah, how wonderful, you read the bible." I replied yes, a bit. She stammered a bit and I guess decided that a few quotes that she knew by heart would be an appropriate course of action.
She started off with "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself". Frickin' outstanding, this may turn out to be alot of fun, I thought! I then replied, with "Leviticus 19:18, but depending on the version the quote can very alot, I like the new topical bible version myself, its all flowery and happy, but if you like the old standard Doom & gloom stuff you can't beat a King James Bible, I would have to go with the 1611 version, printed by the American Bible Society in 1816, by far my favorite version, of all She replied with "well ah, we use the New International version." To which I replied, " I see, so that verse should be, I believe,"Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.'. She did not have a response so I went on. " in my favorite version it is " Thou Shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself: I am the Lord', so I guess you can do whatever you want to the adults but the kids are safe?" Its a pretty popular quote and one usually learned in bible school. And it being a source of much debate in a few classes I part of. That is probably why I remember the conversation so well. Its just one of 'those kind of verses, that get peoples panties in a wad.
She was there to get us to go to church and I wanted to discuss why every church uses a different bible. I was having fun. Being a smart ass is almost always amusing to me.
They just sort of sat there and looked at me like I was some sort of crazy person, they weren't far off. You see, I have a little quirk, I collect bibles, I have alot of them, all different, I have read them all, cover to cover, some several times. I also have copies of the Qurah, Torah, Talmud, Dead sea scrolls, and various copies of books from just about every major religion that ever was. It's my little thing.
I find it very very irritating for people to claim to be this religion or that, and they actually know little to nothing about their chosen faith, its worse if I am not of their persuasion and I know more about it. You have a bible, you go to church, pay attention, ask questions, do some flipping research.
Anyway, we traded quotes back and forth for a while until she finally gave up. Totally convincing me that She had probably only actually read the passages suggested to her by her little bible study group. I don't think much studying was actually going on, but probably alot of gossiping. She was genuinely surprised that there were other bibles. There are no two versions that are exactly alike.. It puzzles me that one of the now "big three" can be so inconsistent. That Christianity actually is considered one of the big three also astounds me, but that's a topic for another time.
So, I had a bit of an advantage over the nice little church ladies. The rest of our visit was interesting. Eventually they left, a bit confused and I hope with an irresistible urge to run straight home and actually sit down and read their bible.
I believe that regardless of what religion you follow, you should be well versed in its doctrines.
I, who do not profess to be a Christian, should not be able to quote your bible, better than you.
So I would like to try to be helpful just this once and give you a few tips that I have found to be extremely helpful when dealing with unwanted church solicitations.
They are pretty consistent in their questions, so I'll try to help you out with some good answers. If they work for you feel free to tape them on the inside of your door for handy reference.
For this lesson we will skip the niceties and get straight to the main points.
Question # 1- Do you believe in God?
Answer: Which one? or if you are feeling frisky, ask if they do and when they answer, ask them 'Why'. You could go on have a little more fun by starting to rattle of what you like or don't like about various gods. Try and stick to the well known ones, like Zeus, almost everyone has heard of him. You could say you like how he handled the day to day stuff but, you really didn't like that he was such a player. If you go with one of the lesser known ones though like Pacha (Etruscan version of Dionysus) it could get sticky.You would then have to waster time explaining who he was. It will ruin the flow.
Question #2
Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?
oh now this can be a tricky one. I have found that a simple yes or no answer is not going to work or make them go away. But you can salvage the situation and still get some fun out of it.
I have found that by not answering at all you get the most bang for you buck here. I like to answer that little statement like, "Jesus of Nazareth? Oh him! I am a bit familiar with him. He was such a wonderful example of the beauty that is the Jewish faith". You could probably just keep rattling on for a bit, it normally takes them a few minutes to regain their train of though. Mentioning that Jesus was a Jew always throws them, so use that. Go ahead with a list of all the different religions that acknowledged Jesus as a prophet. (in case you don't know that one off the top of your head, its pretty much all of the big ones). Do Not Loose control of the conversation! Keep mentioning that he was a Jew. Only once have I had an immediate response that was "no he wasn't". I told that guy he might want to look it up, the library is directly east, can't miss it. Then I shut the door.
I can't argue with that, I'll get all pissy if I do.
Question # 3
We would love to have you visit our church.
Yeah, I am sure you would. They say that and I hear, we would love for you to come and put some money in the collection plate. I feel that if any god has anything to say, I believe that an omnipotent being should have the capability to address me directly. I feel the same about offerings. I can understand giving a bit of money to help support your local church, keep the pastor fed, keep the roof from failing in. I can't understand paying for a new Lexus, hookers, drugs, Olympic size pools or 15 foot TVs or mega churches. If above mentioned omnipotent being wants my money, he/she can suck it out of my pockets or well he/she should be able to create whatever he/she wants.
I wouldn't actually recommend you say that, it could lead to some nasty words directed right at you. You could ask if they have 'fellowship' after the services and if will there be food. Church food is normally pretty good. Coffee is usually only passable but they usually have cookies. Cookies and coffee while watching all the backstabbing and listening to the gossiping and snippy comments are usually, pretty entertaining. You can always interject with little comments of your own, while you enjoy your luke warm coffee and cookies of unknown origin, like' Golly, I did not know that you could could call someone a stupid fat ass and still be doing that "love your neighbor" bit, this is fun!" Act dumb, its fun too.
Now if you choose to forgo the festive fun available at your local church, you can always just tell them you are a satanist. If, when all else fails and you just want a giggle, when you hear that know, take off all your clothes quickly, don't be shy, open the door and tell them they are early, the satanic rites don't start for an hour and you don't even have the altar set up yet. But make sure you aren't rude and do invite them in.. I doubt you'll be troubled again.
So next time your door bell rings, don't look at it as a bother. Look at it as an opportunity for fun not just for you. Make sure that you are the highlight of their day!
But since we have moved up here I have pretty much got dealing with church people down to a science. Well at least the ones that come knocking on my door.
When we first moved in it was like a weekly thing. A couple of ladies would come by, welcoming us to town and inviting us to church. How very nice. I did appreciate the effort really.I did. It gave me an opportunity to study them :)
Now before I go any further with this, let me state for the record, that I do believe that faith is a very important, and deeply personal thing. Enough said.
After about four different church ladies had stopped by to invite us to church, and had been politely refused one day a group of three ladies appeared at my door.
Now on this day, Bill was gone and I was feeling a bit, ah let's just call it playful.
After letting them ramble on for a few minutes about why their church is the best, most loving and just an all around favorite of god here in town, I decided to have some fun. I was bored and sometimes I can't control my little urges.
I invited them on in. Told them I was very interested but wanted to learn more. Now that was the truth. I always want to learn more. So I sat them down, got them some tea and proceeded to set myself up.
I got out a notepad and a couple of pens, sticky notes and my handy dandy highlighter made especially for use on bible pages, the ink doesn't bleed through those incredibly thin pages so its just perfect .Then I went to the bookshelves and selected not one, not two, but four different versions of the King James bible. Let the fun begin.
Now to say the looks on their faces were priceless would be quite the understatement. You would have thought I had stripped naked and asked them to smoke some crack.
I sat down. Took a nice long drink of tea and just looked at them, waiting.
Finally, the apparent leader of the group broke the ice with this little statement. "Ah, how wonderful, you read the bible." I replied yes, a bit. She stammered a bit and I guess decided that a few quotes that she knew by heart would be an appropriate course of action.
She started off with "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself". Frickin' outstanding, this may turn out to be alot of fun, I thought! I then replied, with "Leviticus 19:18, but depending on the version the quote can very alot, I like the new topical bible version myself, its all flowery and happy, but if you like the old standard Doom & gloom stuff you can't beat a King James Bible, I would have to go with the 1611 version, printed by the American Bible Society in 1816, by far my favorite version, of all She replied with "well ah, we use the New International version." To which I replied, " I see, so that verse should be, I believe,"Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.'. She did not have a response so I went on. " in my favorite version it is " Thou Shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself: I am the Lord', so I guess you can do whatever you want to the adults but the kids are safe?" Its a pretty popular quote and one usually learned in bible school. And it being a source of much debate in a few classes I part of. That is probably why I remember the conversation so well. Its just one of 'those kind of verses, that get peoples panties in a wad.
She was there to get us to go to church and I wanted to discuss why every church uses a different bible. I was having fun. Being a smart ass is almost always amusing to me.
They just sort of sat there and looked at me like I was some sort of crazy person, they weren't far off. You see, I have a little quirk, I collect bibles, I have alot of them, all different, I have read them all, cover to cover, some several times. I also have copies of the Qurah, Torah, Talmud, Dead sea scrolls, and various copies of books from just about every major religion that ever was. It's my little thing.
I find it very very irritating for people to claim to be this religion or that, and they actually know little to nothing about their chosen faith, its worse if I am not of their persuasion and I know more about it. You have a bible, you go to church, pay attention, ask questions, do some flipping research.
Anyway, we traded quotes back and forth for a while until she finally gave up. Totally convincing me that She had probably only actually read the passages suggested to her by her little bible study group. I don't think much studying was actually going on, but probably alot of gossiping. She was genuinely surprised that there were other bibles. There are no two versions that are exactly alike.. It puzzles me that one of the now "big three" can be so inconsistent. That Christianity actually is considered one of the big three also astounds me, but that's a topic for another time.
So, I had a bit of an advantage over the nice little church ladies. The rest of our visit was interesting. Eventually they left, a bit confused and I hope with an irresistible urge to run straight home and actually sit down and read their bible.
I believe that regardless of what religion you follow, you should be well versed in its doctrines.
I, who do not profess to be a Christian, should not be able to quote your bible, better than you.
So I would like to try to be helpful just this once and give you a few tips that I have found to be extremely helpful when dealing with unwanted church solicitations.
They are pretty consistent in their questions, so I'll try to help you out with some good answers. If they work for you feel free to tape them on the inside of your door for handy reference.
For this lesson we will skip the niceties and get straight to the main points.
Question # 1- Do you believe in God?
Answer: Which one? or if you are feeling frisky, ask if they do and when they answer, ask them 'Why'. You could go on have a little more fun by starting to rattle of what you like or don't like about various gods. Try and stick to the well known ones, like Zeus, almost everyone has heard of him. You could say you like how he handled the day to day stuff but, you really didn't like that he was such a player. If you go with one of the lesser known ones though like Pacha (Etruscan version of Dionysus) it could get sticky.You would then have to waster time explaining who he was. It will ruin the flow.
Question #2
Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?
oh now this can be a tricky one. I have found that a simple yes or no answer is not going to work or make them go away. But you can salvage the situation and still get some fun out of it.
I have found that by not answering at all you get the most bang for you buck here. I like to answer that little statement like, "Jesus of Nazareth? Oh him! I am a bit familiar with him. He was such a wonderful example of the beauty that is the Jewish faith". You could probably just keep rattling on for a bit, it normally takes them a few minutes to regain their train of though. Mentioning that Jesus was a Jew always throws them, so use that. Go ahead with a list of all the different religions that acknowledged Jesus as a prophet. (in case you don't know that one off the top of your head, its pretty much all of the big ones). Do Not Loose control of the conversation! Keep mentioning that he was a Jew. Only once have I had an immediate response that was "no he wasn't". I told that guy he might want to look it up, the library is directly east, can't miss it. Then I shut the door.
I can't argue with that, I'll get all pissy if I do.
Question # 3
We would love to have you visit our church.
Yeah, I am sure you would. They say that and I hear, we would love for you to come and put some money in the collection plate. I feel that if any god has anything to say, I believe that an omnipotent being should have the capability to address me directly. I feel the same about offerings. I can understand giving a bit of money to help support your local church, keep the pastor fed, keep the roof from failing in. I can't understand paying for a new Lexus, hookers, drugs, Olympic size pools or 15 foot TVs or mega churches. If above mentioned omnipotent being wants my money, he/she can suck it out of my pockets or well he/she should be able to create whatever he/she wants.
I wouldn't actually recommend you say that, it could lead to some nasty words directed right at you. You could ask if they have 'fellowship' after the services and if will there be food. Church food is normally pretty good. Coffee is usually only passable but they usually have cookies. Cookies and coffee while watching all the backstabbing and listening to the gossiping and snippy comments are usually, pretty entertaining. You can always interject with little comments of your own, while you enjoy your luke warm coffee and cookies of unknown origin, like' Golly, I did not know that you could could call someone a stupid fat ass and still be doing that "love your neighbor" bit, this is fun!" Act dumb, its fun too.
Now if you choose to forgo the festive fun available at your local church, you can always just tell them you are a satanist. If, when all else fails and you just want a giggle, when you hear that know, take off all your clothes quickly, don't be shy, open the door and tell them they are early, the satanic rites don't start for an hour and you don't even have the altar set up yet. But make sure you aren't rude and do invite them in.. I doubt you'll be troubled again.
So next time your door bell rings, don't look at it as a bother. Look at it as an opportunity for fun not just for you. Make sure that you are the highlight of their day!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Got something now
I was starting to think that I would make it through the day without something irritating me. Nope. I ordered my father in law 2 sweaters for Christmas. I ordered them over 3 weeks ago. Paid priority mail shipping. Since the 21st it had been sitting at the Kansas city sorting facility. Checked the tracking today. It was just processed through the Philadelphia, PA sorting facility. It came from Ohio originally. Shipping normally takes about 3 days from there. Considering the holiday shipping mess, I figured priority mail would take a week, week and a half. Apparently not. Why is it in PA? This is not the first time the postal service has done something like this to me. And Yes, I do believe it is all about me. A conspiracy against me. The evil bastards are fucking with me. Bill isn't in much better shape. He place a fairly good size order from Wal-mart about 4 weeks ago, got a few of the items right away. The rest were on back order, totally understandable. Two of those came a week later. The rest of the stuff????? Your guess is as good as ours. They were shipped via Fed Ex a week ago. No one has a clue where they are now, except Wal-mart doesn't have them and we don't have them. We kind of have this impression of Fed Ex, what with the Express part, we imagine that shit would get here pretty quickly. We are apparently wrong in our assumptions.
Oh well, Fathers Day is just around the corner and a couple of sweaters would be a great present. Its hard to find sweaters in June anyway. The Wal-mart stuff is of course all of My presents!!!
Those bastards at Fed Ex and the Postal service are probably laughing there little butts off.
Well its not like I actually expected everything to go smoothly, something always has to go wrong, its a rule.
Okay now that I have vented, a cute fed ex guy should show up any minute. Ah I hear a truck........nope UPS next door. This sucks. I will not panic it really isn't a big deal Bill's mom's present won't be delivered till next Monday but that's my fault for ordering it late. I am sure we will all live, but dammit, I want my presents :)
Oh well, Fathers Day is just around the corner and a couple of sweaters would be a great present. Its hard to find sweaters in June anyway. The Wal-mart stuff is of course all of My presents!!!
Those bastards at Fed Ex and the Postal service are probably laughing there little butts off.
Well its not like I actually expected everything to go smoothly, something always has to go wrong, its a rule.
Okay now that I have vented, a cute fed ex guy should show up any minute. Ah I hear a truck........nope UPS next door. This sucks. I will not panic it really isn't a big deal Bill's mom's present won't be delivered till next Monday but that's my fault for ordering it late. I am sure we will all live, but dammit, I want my presents :)
I got nothing
I've been up for about 4 hours now and I really have nothing to blog. I could complain that I can't type now. I did my nails last night and now they are so long I can't type as well as I am used too. Damn things get in the way. I am not sure what came over me, some sort of hormone surge or something. Did my nails and cut my hair, maybe some subconscious need to be a bit girly? who knows. So whacked the hair off at my shoulders and added a couple of layers. All this accomplishes is now I can express my inner Annie. Which is pretty much what my hair does. At least its not as frizzy now.
The stupid weather people have changed the forecast again. now supposedly its not going to snow or do anything till Thursday after midnight. Okay then. We all know that they won't say we are going to get a blizzard, they refuse to give a shitty forecast for holidays, major sporting events or for any days that they think everyone wants to hear about perfect weather. Well, it seems like that to me anyway.
So the forecast for Christmas day is Flurries. Ah doesn't that sound cute.
Still haven't made cookies. Still need to do some cleaning and yet here I sit, trying to think of something witty to type.
Still got nothing. Oh well. If you want consistently funny I can give you some names :)
Evan is having some issues staying off the counter top & out of the cabinets. He just will not stop getting into stuff. He treats the cabinets like his own personal little buffet. It drives me nuts. He always wants to eat, constantly. I can't figure out where the skinny little fart is putting all this food! Must take after his daddy, who also can eat constantly and never gain an ounce. Its pretty irritating.
I hate Canadian Geese. Just thought I would throw that out there. I can hear them honking, I have a gun, but I don't think I could hit any of them with it. Note to self; invest in bigger gun or crossbow.
Crossbow would be better but I am not sure if they are legal in this state. Maybe just a nice bow, I'll give it some thought.
Blowing them up would be more entertaining, pretty sure that's not legal either. I think they are protected anyway. But I am entitled to my little fantasies.
Silly laws.
So, have been having discussions about what I want to do when both the boys get into school. First thing a nap. After that I am not sure. I like the library alot, maybe I can work there. Love books, can read, know the alphabet song, I should be qualified to put books away.
I would be awesome at a used book store. But this town won't support one. So that's out for now. I still want to be Indiana Jones, but all the good shit is still in the middle east and well, personally and this is just me, I am not fond of people shooting at me. I know seems silly, but I like a nice quiet, calm, bullet free environment, when I am playing in the dirt.
I could always actually use my degree and head off to some remote jungle locale and try and find a tribe no one has ever seen, if there are any left that haven't been run over by bulldozers.
ooo I know, I 'll just hire myself out again as a sensitivity trainer.
I'll wait while you finish laughing....
Done yet? Yes I have done sensitivity training. I can be sensitive. I can really. Its simple really, most people don't pick up on subtle sarcasm. It did pay pretty well.
I didn't like it much. I had to act all happy. Eeck.
There are alot of things I could with my "useless" degree. There are alot of groups of people around the world that would be fascinating to study.
Who knows I still have a while to decide, two years.
Maybe I'll finally get around to writing that book. I've a story stuck in my head for about 10 years. Problem is I've got the middle part, just no beginning or end. But the end is easily fixed. I'll just pull a Quentin Tarantino and kill everyone off at the end:)
But I really don't think I would write a fiction book, not to be published anyway. To me you really have to have a titanium set balls to do that. That is really putting yourself out there. I have alot of admiration for people who do write.
Well, Monkey cat gave up last night and came back inside. Guess she just finally got to lonely without Mama & Gracie. So everyone is safely in the house.
Still have nothing interesting to talk about.
The stupid weather people have changed the forecast again. now supposedly its not going to snow or do anything till Thursday after midnight. Okay then. We all know that they won't say we are going to get a blizzard, they refuse to give a shitty forecast for holidays, major sporting events or for any days that they think everyone wants to hear about perfect weather. Well, it seems like that to me anyway.
So the forecast for Christmas day is Flurries. Ah doesn't that sound cute.
Still haven't made cookies. Still need to do some cleaning and yet here I sit, trying to think of something witty to type.
Still got nothing. Oh well. If you want consistently funny I can give you some names :)
Evan is having some issues staying off the counter top & out of the cabinets. He just will not stop getting into stuff. He treats the cabinets like his own personal little buffet. It drives me nuts. He always wants to eat, constantly. I can't figure out where the skinny little fart is putting all this food! Must take after his daddy, who also can eat constantly and never gain an ounce. Its pretty irritating.
I hate Canadian Geese. Just thought I would throw that out there. I can hear them honking, I have a gun, but I don't think I could hit any of them with it. Note to self; invest in bigger gun or crossbow.
Crossbow would be better but I am not sure if they are legal in this state. Maybe just a nice bow, I'll give it some thought.
Blowing them up would be more entertaining, pretty sure that's not legal either. I think they are protected anyway. But I am entitled to my little fantasies.
Silly laws.
So, have been having discussions about what I want to do when both the boys get into school. First thing a nap. After that I am not sure. I like the library alot, maybe I can work there. Love books, can read, know the alphabet song, I should be qualified to put books away.
I would be awesome at a used book store. But this town won't support one. So that's out for now. I still want to be Indiana Jones, but all the good shit is still in the middle east and well, personally and this is just me, I am not fond of people shooting at me. I know seems silly, but I like a nice quiet, calm, bullet free environment, when I am playing in the dirt.
I could always actually use my degree and head off to some remote jungle locale and try and find a tribe no one has ever seen, if there are any left that haven't been run over by bulldozers.
ooo I know, I 'll just hire myself out again as a sensitivity trainer.
I'll wait while you finish laughing....
Done yet? Yes I have done sensitivity training. I can be sensitive. I can really. Its simple really, most people don't pick up on subtle sarcasm. It did pay pretty well.
I didn't like it much. I had to act all happy. Eeck.
There are alot of things I could with my "useless" degree. There are alot of groups of people around the world that would be fascinating to study.
Who knows I still have a while to decide, two years.
Maybe I'll finally get around to writing that book. I've a story stuck in my head for about 10 years. Problem is I've got the middle part, just no beginning or end. But the end is easily fixed. I'll just pull a Quentin Tarantino and kill everyone off at the end:)
But I really don't think I would write a fiction book, not to be published anyway. To me you really have to have a titanium set balls to do that. That is really putting yourself out there. I have alot of admiration for people who do write.
Well, Monkey cat gave up last night and came back inside. Guess she just finally got to lonely without Mama & Gracie. So everyone is safely in the house.
Still have nothing interesting to talk about.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Not As Smart as I think I am!
I have been reading up on this whole blogging thing. I am doing everything you are not supposed to do if you want traffic. Good. However, I am getting some mad hits from odd places and I can't for the life of me figure out why. The people who are blogging experts are quite clear that readers what specific things. They want to read about social issues, politics, the economy or they want to learn how to do something. They want experts. They do not want to read about pets, kids, family or personal issues. I have two consistent readers that I know of. You know who you are :) and thanks. If I can bring a bit of amusement I am happy. But my stats are showing hits from Russia, Belgium, Denmark, Canada and Croatia. Really? But Why?
I guess I could start blogging about helpful stuff. Like for instance if anyone wants to know how to make mac and cheese while nursing one kid and keeping the other one from climbing up the cabinets, I can do that. Or my personal favorite, changing a really nasty diaper of one kid, in the dark with one hand, while nursing the other kid and giving your husband dirty looks, I can do that.
Does anyone want to learn about about Religion? I am happy to oblige. Ask me my opinion about Christianity and Wicca. That's always a fun one I can really piss people off there. Or how about demonology and the Catholic church, Druidism and Shamanism, Greek, Roman and Etruscan?
See I could play along but I really don't want to. I typically charge people for that. If Bill were to find out I was giving out free classes he'd lose his mind. That is a bit of a sore spot.
Anyway, the point is I don't want this to be anything but my personal ramblings. I really don't care what everyone else wants. I may bitch about social issues, the economy, politics and other stuff, but its really not my main focus.
But just to be a team player.
The Economy sucks, Its our own fault. The government really needs some work. Guess what, that's our fault too, we elected these people. War, Famine and the needless killing of wildlife, well that sucks too. Am I missing anything? Probably, and that probably sucks too.
Okie dokie all done.
I could go on for hours, really I could but I won't. There are other people handling those issues. The issues that are pressing for me usually go like this.
Where the F*** is Evan??? What is he into now? What is that noise? Who did this? What is that smell? Who farted? Who gave the dog the jar of peanut butter? Why is the water running and the fridge door open? Where did you get the permanent marker? Why are you playing with a knife? Put the Hammer down! Stop riding the dog!
So my life isn't as exciting as some, but I do get variety. I live in a zoo, surrounded by crazy preschoolers and pets who have no fear and get into everything.
This is my life. I could pretend to care about alot of other things. but the truth is, I have more concerns within the walls of my house right now.
It's not that I don't care about all the issues I do.
Right now though, I am focused on keeping the boys and the dog from knocking the Hanukkah bush/Christmas tree down. Its a magic tree. It starts out as a Hanukkah bush, then when Hanukkah ends..Ta Da.. Its a Christmas tree :). With only about 15 ornaments on it. The boys, cats and dog are hell on ornaments. So the top 2 feet have none. The bottom 3 feet don't have any left either. There is just a 2 foot area in the middle that has a few. Terrible looking tree. But, its really tall :)
Now the heathens are dancing around it. Perhaps they are doing a little late Solstice celebrating.
I guess I could start blogging about helpful stuff. Like for instance if anyone wants to know how to make mac and cheese while nursing one kid and keeping the other one from climbing up the cabinets, I can do that. Or my personal favorite, changing a really nasty diaper of one kid, in the dark with one hand, while nursing the other kid and giving your husband dirty looks, I can do that.
Does anyone want to learn about about Religion? I am happy to oblige. Ask me my opinion about Christianity and Wicca. That's always a fun one I can really piss people off there. Or how about demonology and the Catholic church, Druidism and Shamanism, Greek, Roman and Etruscan?
See I could play along but I really don't want to. I typically charge people for that. If Bill were to find out I was giving out free classes he'd lose his mind. That is a bit of a sore spot.
Anyway, the point is I don't want this to be anything but my personal ramblings. I really don't care what everyone else wants. I may bitch about social issues, the economy, politics and other stuff, but its really not my main focus.
But just to be a team player.
The Economy sucks, Its our own fault. The government really needs some work. Guess what, that's our fault too, we elected these people. War, Famine and the needless killing of wildlife, well that sucks too. Am I missing anything? Probably, and that probably sucks too.
Okie dokie all done.
I could go on for hours, really I could but I won't. There are other people handling those issues. The issues that are pressing for me usually go like this.
Where the F*** is Evan??? What is he into now? What is that noise? Who did this? What is that smell? Who farted? Who gave the dog the jar of peanut butter? Why is the water running and the fridge door open? Where did you get the permanent marker? Why are you playing with a knife? Put the Hammer down! Stop riding the dog!
So my life isn't as exciting as some, but I do get variety. I live in a zoo, surrounded by crazy preschoolers and pets who have no fear and get into everything.
This is my life. I could pretend to care about alot of other things. but the truth is, I have more concerns within the walls of my house right now.
It's not that I don't care about all the issues I do.
Right now though, I am focused on keeping the boys and the dog from knocking the Hanukkah bush/Christmas tree down. Its a magic tree. It starts out as a Hanukkah bush, then when Hanukkah ends..Ta Da.. Its a Christmas tree :). With only about 15 ornaments on it. The boys, cats and dog are hell on ornaments. So the top 2 feet have none. The bottom 3 feet don't have any left either. There is just a 2 foot area in the middle that has a few. Terrible looking tree. But, its really tall :)
Now the heathens are dancing around it. Perhaps they are doing a little late Solstice celebrating.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Watching movies with the boys
In case you haven't noticed, I really do love the movie "Wizard of Oz" and I really enjoy watching it now. My boys discovered the movie about a month ago, I wasn't sure if they would find it too scary. They didn't but those flying monkeys always scared the shit out of me as a kid along with the apple trees and the wicked witch's army, oh and the tornado. Okay so about 75% of the movie gave me nightmares. But it looks like my boys are made of stronger stuff :) Nothing in the movie scared them. I did get a running commentary after the movie. "You shouldn't drop your house on someone and not say sorry". True enough and I do apologize for not bringing that to your attention earlier. "They should have said please, then the trees wouldn't mind". Score again. The non-stop commentary on any movie get old after a bit, its like watching Mystery Science Theatre 3000 sober (which yes I did used to watch). "monkeys don't fly". Well, I've met several pilots...
It's hard to tune them out because they don't like to be ignored and will in typical Gabe fashion, just talk louder until you respond. Bill is really good at tuning them out. I can't do it, I've tried. So by the end of the day my brain is numb. We have entered the 'Why' stage. Which I really don't mind, its just maybe they could let me finish one answer before asking another question.
But, they do a running commentary on anything they watch. Which is why the amount of TV and movies they get to watch keeps shrinking. If it keeps up they won't be watching any TV at all.
As usual because we are coming up on a holiday and picture taking opportunity. Both boys look like they have been participating in those ultimate fighting matches.
Evan went running into the bathroom the other day, hit the step stool in front of the tub trying to jump into the tub, and the step stool moved. He did a nifty cartwheel headfirst right into the toilet, bounced and hit the floor. He was okay. A very nice goose egg on his head. It almost matches the one on the other side of his forehead, which he got diving from couch to the coffee table. he missed. Aden who is not as much of a daredevil, or at least his coordination is better, has a long scratch on his cheek, which no one seems to know what happened there, a goose egg to match his brother's on his forehead from trying to skate while holding onto the dog. First let me state that we do not have skates, he was attempting to use one of his more sturdy cars, just a little bigger than those hot wheels ones. So he hung onto the dog's collar to have her pull him. This happened right at the same time that mama cat decided she was going to move her fat ass to the couch. Cat out, dog of course has to come and look. Aden having his mother's cat like reflexes, didn't let go of the collar as Sam started to fun downstairs. Luckily the door way stopped him from taking a ride down the stairs.
This Goose egg is right beside the cut on the other side of his forehead that he got when Evan beaned him with the crane from the train set. Note: don't try and take things away from Evan, he will retaliate.
Evan also has a nice scratch on the side of his side that is one of those 'mystery' cuts. I am truly terrified of what they are going to be like if they ever play any sports. We have a serious lack of coordination and a problem paying attention.
It's hard to tune them out because they don't like to be ignored and will in typical Gabe fashion, just talk louder until you respond. Bill is really good at tuning them out. I can't do it, I've tried. So by the end of the day my brain is numb. We have entered the 'Why' stage. Which I really don't mind, its just maybe they could let me finish one answer before asking another question.
But, they do a running commentary on anything they watch. Which is why the amount of TV and movies they get to watch keeps shrinking. If it keeps up they won't be watching any TV at all.
As usual because we are coming up on a holiday and picture taking opportunity. Both boys look like they have been participating in those ultimate fighting matches.
Evan went running into the bathroom the other day, hit the step stool in front of the tub trying to jump into the tub, and the step stool moved. He did a nifty cartwheel headfirst right into the toilet, bounced and hit the floor. He was okay. A very nice goose egg on his head. It almost matches the one on the other side of his forehead, which he got diving from couch to the coffee table. he missed. Aden who is not as much of a daredevil, or at least his coordination is better, has a long scratch on his cheek, which no one seems to know what happened there, a goose egg to match his brother's on his forehead from trying to skate while holding onto the dog. First let me state that we do not have skates, he was attempting to use one of his more sturdy cars, just a little bigger than those hot wheels ones. So he hung onto the dog's collar to have her pull him. This happened right at the same time that mama cat decided she was going to move her fat ass to the couch. Cat out, dog of course has to come and look. Aden having his mother's cat like reflexes, didn't let go of the collar as Sam started to fun downstairs. Luckily the door way stopped him from taking a ride down the stairs.
This Goose egg is right beside the cut on the other side of his forehead that he got when Evan beaned him with the crane from the train set. Note: don't try and take things away from Evan, he will retaliate.
Evan also has a nice scratch on the side of his side that is one of those 'mystery' cuts. I am truly terrified of what they are going to be like if they ever play any sports. We have a serious lack of coordination and a problem paying attention.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Surgery Update
So, saw the doctor today. Went over what he is going to do and all the nifty details. He let me read my surgery notes from the last surgery. All I can say is WOW. I didn't realize how bad the adhesions were. I had them literally on every surface and attached to everything, including my liver. That explains why I am still having pain there. He said to be a little more patient, it's still healing.
As for the next surgery, he is going to try and do everything laproscopically. He is not sure that is going to work, he may not be able to and if that is the case they will just try a transverse incision. If that scar tissue is too thick, then I will end up with a lovey anchor shaped scar. I'll tell the boys I decided to be a pirate :) He said if everything goes perfectly we are looking at 6-8 hours in surgery, give or take. Could be more, could be less, as with everything else lately, it will depend on many other factors. Can't get out of a hospital stay this time, but he said we can discuss me getting out as soon as I can walk on my own. I, like most people, really dislike hospitals. They aren't so bad, if I am not the one confined to one of those horrible beds.
Not as scared as I thought I would be. I really have alot of faith in this Doctor. He spent alot of time assuring me that he was going to take his time, to make sure we limit the complications, which we went over in detail. I know the risks. This last surgery completely changed my mind about this next big surgery. Before I was completely against any lysis of the adhesions. Who wouldn't be, they will just grow back worse every time you cut them. But really, right now, the pain is so greatly reduced, I can imagine not having any pain at all. Even if its just a year, or even if its 3 months, I want that time and I will be so grateful for every single second. I know it won't last. barrier gels or not. They will grow back and they will be worse. I will have to have them removed again and again.
All in all its going to be a wait and see how it goes. Bill should be able to find out about when he can take vacation Monday or Tuesday so we'll schedule the surgery then. I think I am prepared for whatever will happen, the possible rewards, to me at least, outweigh the risks. I hope :)
As for the next surgery, he is going to try and do everything laproscopically. He is not sure that is going to work, he may not be able to and if that is the case they will just try a transverse incision. If that scar tissue is too thick, then I will end up with a lovey anchor shaped scar. I'll tell the boys I decided to be a pirate :) He said if everything goes perfectly we are looking at 6-8 hours in surgery, give or take. Could be more, could be less, as with everything else lately, it will depend on many other factors. Can't get out of a hospital stay this time, but he said we can discuss me getting out as soon as I can walk on my own. I, like most people, really dislike hospitals. They aren't so bad, if I am not the one confined to one of those horrible beds.
Not as scared as I thought I would be. I really have alot of faith in this Doctor. He spent alot of time assuring me that he was going to take his time, to make sure we limit the complications, which we went over in detail. I know the risks. This last surgery completely changed my mind about this next big surgery. Before I was completely against any lysis of the adhesions. Who wouldn't be, they will just grow back worse every time you cut them. But really, right now, the pain is so greatly reduced, I can imagine not having any pain at all. Even if its just a year, or even if its 3 months, I want that time and I will be so grateful for every single second. I know it won't last. barrier gels or not. They will grow back and they will be worse. I will have to have them removed again and again.
All in all its going to be a wait and see how it goes. Bill should be able to find out about when he can take vacation Monday or Tuesday so we'll schedule the surgery then. I think I am prepared for whatever will happen, the possible rewards, to me at least, outweigh the risks. I hope :)
Friday, December 17, 2010
The Mythic Land
There have been times when people have told me that I shouldn't fill my children's head with such nonsense. I am talking about the stories I tell them. About Elves, fairies, unicorns, dragons,pixies, brownies, centaurs, witches and wizards.
My response is usually the same. "Why Not?" Children live in a different world than we do. Their perceptions are so unlike adults that these things are not only possible, they are plausible. If my children think that the dust motes that seem to gather in the air, at the top of stairs in late afternoon, are tiny fairies, who am I to tell them different? They are happy to play with the fairies and I am happy that they are happy doing it.
If I tell them that Fairies ride on fireflies, what is the harm? They are smart kids. We have talked about lightening bugs before, they know why they light up & how. We have caught and examined one very carefully before we released it. They didn't see a fairy but, they were very gentle with bug.
Everyone 'knows' that Elves are very elusive and don't like humans much. Because most humans don't respect nature and strive to conquer it, not live as part of it. But, looking for elves makes them pay attention and be quiet when we are in the woods. They may not see elves but we have seen all sorts of other creatures that are no less wonderful to them. Squirrels and deer aren't much different in their eyes. The point is to pay attention to the world around you. To recognize that you are part of something much larger. To be less focused on yourself. These are things I want them to learn.
Dragons. Every culture has a myth about dragons. How do we really know that they didn't exist? Perhaps, a type of dinosaur survived long enough to terrorize early human settlements? We don't know. It seems unlikely but we know a few dinosaurs did indeed survive. Whether they are
Witches. Well here is a subject I am well acquainted with I have taught extensively on this subject.
Witches aren't always evil. Most witches are good. Even Hollywood gets that right occasionally. But witchcraft, in and of itself, has never been 'evil' . Witchcraft is simply a way of doing things. Different perhaps than how most people do things today, but if we think back, to what life must have been like 400 years ago and earlier, witchcraft makes sense. Witches were the women at the edge of village, who knew things. Usually just how to cure this illness or how to make your cow start producing milk again. No magic usually involved. These were wise women, who figured things out. This herb can help a pregnancy, this one will end it. Of course there are always 2 sides to a coin. Not everyone is out to help others. Magic is and will always be around.
Science is magic explained.
Imagine the first person who figured out how to control fire. I would expect that everyone around them thought it was magic and this person had special 'powers'. We now know how fire works, so its no longer a mystery. The same with illness. If you got sick before and you didn't heal on your own you died. But, what about that crazy old lady, that witch that lives down the road all by herself. Go see her. With her magic spells and herblore she might be able to help, for a price. Usually the cure was more herblore and a bit of mumbo jumbo for show, But if it worked?
.
The stories I tell all have a point.
Humans need the idea of good vs. evil. Its along the same lines as Hope and Faith. They are things that make us human and not just clever monkeys. The age old struggle between good and evil gives us a focus, a way to channel our own insecurities and emotions into something larger than ourselves. It takes the focus off of ourselves, how can this be a bad thing? We all seek to be part of something, whether we admit it or not. To seek out others and a common cause is part of our nature as humans.
So if I tell them a story or read them the Hobbit, there are lessons to be learned. The cast of characters doesn't really matter. The point is the same.
The boys know this and will tell you, if you ask that "if we work together, we can get the job done!" Actually, I think that line can from Bob the Builder but it doesn't matter. They understand that differences aren't the important thing.
I don't see a problem with my stories, if I did I wouldn't tell them. But children need the opportunity to explore all aspects of their world imaginary or real. It may be fantasy to you and me, but maybe not to them. I love mythical creatures. I love telling my children about them. I like to see the wonder in their faces at the idea that there are guardians of nature, hidden in the forest, silly and playful pixies making mischief in the kitchen, great dragons guarding treasure deep in the mountains.
I want them to know that goals are important, but not as important as the journey itself. Whether or not we succeed or fail in this goals, in the eyes of others or ourselves, doesn't ultimately matter. Our goals do not define us. It is the journey itself that ultimately defines who we are.
These are the things I want them to learn. So what if I use elves and fairies to do it. I want them to know, to understand that outside appearances or apparent differences, are not defining. Everyone and everything are unique and with value. Different types of people can work together, toward a common goal. A hobbit, some elves, a dwarf, humans whatever the case may be. My hope is that it will translate later in their lives. That they will see that everyone has value. Every culture has something to teach us. That we really aren't that different.
My response is usually the same. "Why Not?" Children live in a different world than we do. Their perceptions are so unlike adults that these things are not only possible, they are plausible. If my children think that the dust motes that seem to gather in the air, at the top of stairs in late afternoon, are tiny fairies, who am I to tell them different? They are happy to play with the fairies and I am happy that they are happy doing it.
If I tell them that Fairies ride on fireflies, what is the harm? They are smart kids. We have talked about lightening bugs before, they know why they light up & how. We have caught and examined one very carefully before we released it. They didn't see a fairy but, they were very gentle with bug.
Everyone 'knows' that Elves are very elusive and don't like humans much. Because most humans don't respect nature and strive to conquer it, not live as part of it. But, looking for elves makes them pay attention and be quiet when we are in the woods. They may not see elves but we have seen all sorts of other creatures that are no less wonderful to them. Squirrels and deer aren't much different in their eyes. The point is to pay attention to the world around you. To recognize that you are part of something much larger. To be less focused on yourself. These are things I want them to learn.
Dragons. Every culture has a myth about dragons. How do we really know that they didn't exist? Perhaps, a type of dinosaur survived long enough to terrorize early human settlements? We don't know. It seems unlikely but we know a few dinosaurs did indeed survive. Whether they are
Witches. Well here is a subject I am well acquainted with I have taught extensively on this subject.
Witches aren't always evil. Most witches are good. Even Hollywood gets that right occasionally. But witchcraft, in and of itself, has never been 'evil' . Witchcraft is simply a way of doing things. Different perhaps than how most people do things today, but if we think back, to what life must have been like 400 years ago and earlier, witchcraft makes sense. Witches were the women at the edge of village, who knew things. Usually just how to cure this illness or how to make your cow start producing milk again. No magic usually involved. These were wise women, who figured things out. This herb can help a pregnancy, this one will end it. Of course there are always 2 sides to a coin. Not everyone is out to help others. Magic is and will always be around.
Science is magic explained.
Imagine the first person who figured out how to control fire. I would expect that everyone around them thought it was magic and this person had special 'powers'. We now know how fire works, so its no longer a mystery. The same with illness. If you got sick before and you didn't heal on your own you died. But, what about that crazy old lady, that witch that lives down the road all by herself. Go see her. With her magic spells and herblore she might be able to help, for a price. Usually the cure was more herblore and a bit of mumbo jumbo for show, But if it worked?
.
The stories I tell all have a point.
Humans need the idea of good vs. evil. Its along the same lines as Hope and Faith. They are things that make us human and not just clever monkeys. The age old struggle between good and evil gives us a focus, a way to channel our own insecurities and emotions into something larger than ourselves. It takes the focus off of ourselves, how can this be a bad thing? We all seek to be part of something, whether we admit it or not. To seek out others and a common cause is part of our nature as humans.
So if I tell them a story or read them the Hobbit, there are lessons to be learned. The cast of characters doesn't really matter. The point is the same.
The boys know this and will tell you, if you ask that "if we work together, we can get the job done!" Actually, I think that line can from Bob the Builder but it doesn't matter. They understand that differences aren't the important thing.
I don't see a problem with my stories, if I did I wouldn't tell them. But children need the opportunity to explore all aspects of their world imaginary or real. It may be fantasy to you and me, but maybe not to them. I love mythical creatures. I love telling my children about them. I like to see the wonder in their faces at the idea that there are guardians of nature, hidden in the forest, silly and playful pixies making mischief in the kitchen, great dragons guarding treasure deep in the mountains.
I want them to know that goals are important, but not as important as the journey itself. Whether or not we succeed or fail in this goals, in the eyes of others or ourselves, doesn't ultimately matter. Our goals do not define us. It is the journey itself that ultimately defines who we are.
These are the things I want them to learn. So what if I use elves and fairies to do it. I want them to know, to understand that outside appearances or apparent differences, are not defining. Everyone and everything are unique and with value. Different types of people can work together, toward a common goal. A hobbit, some elves, a dwarf, humans whatever the case may be. My hope is that it will translate later in their lives. That they will see that everyone has value. Every culture has something to teach us. That we really aren't that different.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
2010 DARWIN AWARDS
You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado here are the 2010 Darwin awards.
8th Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
7th Place A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
6th Place While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
5th Place Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was robbing. Death was caused when the long torch he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free, rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor..
4th Place Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
3rd Place After walking around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONOURABLE MENTION Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 a.m. So they lit a stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed
RUNNER UP Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then
tied the other (!) to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS... Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
8th Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
7th Place A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
6th Place While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
5th Place Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was robbing. Death was caused when the long torch he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free, rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor..
4th Place Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
3rd Place After walking around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONOURABLE MENTION Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 a.m. So they lit a stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed
RUNNER UP Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then
tied the other (!) to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS... Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL!
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